An express lift flashes us downwards in a few seconds and behold we are in the midst of rows of counters groaning under bargains that even the New Poor can scarce forbear to grasp.

Here, for example, is one-hundred-to-eight offered against Pincushion for the Gimcrack Stakes.  This wondrous animal’s lineage and previous performances are carefully tabulated on a card at the side, and, remembering the form he showed at Gatwick, one wonders, as the man in the street would say, how it is done.

Or look at Tom-tom, which left the others simply standing in a field of forty-four at Kempton Park, and carrying eight-stone-seven.  Here he has a paltry four-pound penalty for the Worcester Welter Handicap, yet one can have seven to one about him.

How the House of Pryce can offer such bargains is a mystery to the old school of red-necked bookmakers, whose Oxford accent was not pronounced.  They fail to see what courtesy, urbanity and meat-teas at three shillings per head can do in the way of stimulating business.

From the Bargain Basement we wander at will through the remaining departments, making inquiries here and there from the expert assistants, technically known as laymen, without being once importuned to make a bet.

And when at length, refreshed and pleased with a delightful afternoon, we pass again through the portals of the House of Pryce, we make for home, confirmed supporters of the modern personal touch, which has transformed a drab business into a veritable romance.

* * * * *

Our optimistic advertisers.

    “Will Person who took Gent.’s Trenchcoat by mistake whilst motor-cycle
    was on fire in ——­ Rd., on Wednesday night, please return same.”—­
    Provincial Paper.

* * * * *

    “Alec Herd, who went round in 72, and who is one of the old school, was
    second in the Open Championship no fewer than 28 years ago, and won it
    as far back as 19042.”—­Provincial Paper.

B.C., of course.

* * * * *

“Yesterday was St. Stephen’s Day, and, therefore, the patronal festival of the Abbey Church.  Hence the choice of the date for the issue of the appeal, though probably not one Englishman in a thousand connects the Abbey with any particular saint.”—­Daily Paper.

Well, certainly not this one, though we have heard St. PETER alluded to in this connection.

* * * * *

“THE HENLEY REGATTA.

    A remarkable feature of the meeting is the number of ladies rowing, the
    ten heats for eight-oared boats in the Ladies’ Challenge Cup being
    decided to-day.”—­Provincial Paper.

Lest the male element should be entirely forgotten, would it not be well to call it in future “The Cock-and-henley regatta”?