With his usual sagacity the reader will probably remark here that the four-sided Chesterfield can be procured ready-made at any moment by turning the usual article round and pushing it up against the wall.  This point has not escaped notice, my friend.  But you can hardly imagine the objections that will be urged by the female members of your household against adopting such a course in the drawing-room.  They will assert, amongst other things, that Mrs. Ponsonby-Smith is on the point of arriving and that she will think you’ve done it on purpose.

I shall have the upholsterer in to-morrow.

EVOE.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Gladys. “HAVE YOU ANY INTERESTING CASES COMING ON, SIR CHARLES?”

Eminent K.C. “WE HAVE A VERY INTRICATE AND TECHNICAL CASE COMING ON—­MOST INTERESTING.  IT TURNS ON THE QUESTION WHETHER A CERTAIN SUBTERRANEAN CONDUIT SHOULD BE CLASSIFIED AS A DRAIN OR A SEWER.”

Gladys. “OH, BUT WHY NOT ASK A PLUMBER?”]

* * * * *

DEDICATIONS.

MR. COMPTON MACKENZIE has found it necessary to state publicly in a dedication that his books have not been written by his sister.

The following extracts are taken from possible future dedications by various authors:—­

Mr. H.G.  WELLS to the Bishop of LONDON.

As I have seen it stated in various journals that you are the author of my book, The Soul of a Bishop, I hereby take the opportunity of informing your Lordship most definitely and emphatically that you are not.  That book and also The Passionate Friends were written without any assistance from the episcopal bench.  To avoid future misunderstanding I may say that all my books are written by myself.  If at any time it is suggested that any publication of your Lordship has been written by me, I shall be glad if you will immediately issue a contradiction.

Mr. BERNARD SHAW to the Editor of “The Morning Post."

You have not written my books.  You have not written my plays.  Any statement to the contrary is an infamous falsehood.  No one else, dead or alive, could ever have written anything which I have written.  When I have become an imbecile, which is not likely to happen yet, as I am a vegetarian and do not read your rag, it will be time enough for other people to lay claim to my work.  Nor have I ever assisted you in conducting that which you call a paper, nor have I ever written an editorial for its columns.  Please let this matter have your futile attention.

Miss DAISY ASHFORD to Lord HALDANE.

If I did not believe your Lordship to be really innosent I should be very vexed with you.  But let me explain.  I have heard it said in reliable quarters that you are the auther of The Young Visiters.  Oh, my Lord! my Lord!  I thought everybody knew by now that no one helped me even to spell a word.  I have read your Lordship’s books with pleasure and of course realise their promise.  But it is all very diferent stuff from The Young Visiters.  Please in the future disclaim all credit for giving me my idears, and in return I can assure you that your skemes for the better education of the people shall have my enthoosiastic suport.