“The news of English we tell the latest, writ in perfect style and earliest.  Do a murder get commit, we hear and tell of it.  Do a mighty chief die, we publish it in borders of sombre.  Staff has each one been college and writes like the Kipling and the Dickens.  We circulate every town and extortionate not for advertisements.  Buy it.”

* * * * *

RATHER A TALL ORDER.

    “FOR SALE.

    Grey flannel suit made by English tailor in January last, unworn Rs.
    50; chest 39, height 8ft. 5 inches.”—­Indian Paper.

* * * * *

    “Small (Elephant) Pram, as new, extending back, 6 gns.”—­Local Paper.

Thanks; but we always take our elephant in the side-car.

* * * * *

    “Samuel Johnson, who had pleaded guilty yesterday to stealing a wallet,
    was sentenced to three months’ hard labour.”—­Evening Paper.

When he comes out (if there is any truth in BOSWELL) he will make a pun.

* * * * *

          VERS LIBRE.

  There was an old man of Dunoon
  Who always ate soup with a fork;
    For he said, “As I eat
    Neither fish, fowl or flesh
  I should finish my dinner too quick.”

* * * * *

    “It is as well to note that during dry weather it is always advisable
    to pass the watering-can along the rows of plants in order to moisten
    the soil.”—­Daily Paper.

This means, we think, “Water the garden.”

* * * * *

    “The City views with the gravest concern the existence of places like
    Didcot.”—­Daily Paper.

There is reason to believe that Didcot entertains precisely similar feelings in regard to the City.

* * * * *

COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

    “For Lightweight Motor Cycles there is no alternative to the ——­
    MAGNETO.  Maximum Weight.  Minimum Performance.”—­Trade Paper.

    “Reason and instinct dictate the smoking of a cigarette that will give
    the minimum of pleasure at a moderate cost.”—­Advt. in Evening Paper.

* * * * *

OUR PASTORAL.

“Hulloa, Melhuish,” I said, “after all you had ideal weather for your Midsummer Night’s Dream yesterday.”

“Ideal,” said Melhuish moodily.

“Really, if you’d picked the day it couldn’t have been better.  You want peculiar atmospheric conditions for a pastoral, don’t you?  Just enough sun, not too much wind, temperature congenial for sitting out-of-doors.  You had ’em all.”

Melhuish nodded.

“Your garden must be looking like fairyland too now with the roses out and the trees in all their full summer greenery.”