nam uti dudum hinc abii, accessi ad adulescentes in foro.
“salvete” inquam. “quo imus una” inquam “ad prandium?”
atque illi tacent.
“quid ait ‘hoc’ aut quis profitetur?”
inquam. quasi muti silent, 480
neque me rident. “ubi cenamus?” inquam. atque illi abnuont.

Why, when I left here a little while ago, I went up to some young fellows in the forum.  “Good day,” says I.  “Where are we going to lunch together?” says I. Sudden silence.  “Who says:  ‘This way’?  Who makes a bid?” says I. Dumb as mutes, didn’t even give me a smile.  “Where do we dine?” says I. A shaking of heads.

dico unum ridiculum dictum de dictis melioribus, quibus solebam menstruales epulas ante adipiscier:  nemo ridet; scivi extemplo rem de compecto geri; ne canem quidem irritatam voluit quisquam imitarier, saltem, si non arriderent, dentes ut restringerent.

I told ’em a funny story—­one of my best, that used to find me free board for a month.  Nobody smiled.  I saw in a moment it was a put-up job; not a one of ’em was even willing to act like a cross dog and at least show their teeth, no matter if they wouldn’t laugh.

abeo ab illis, postquam video me sic ludificarier; pergo ad alios, venio ad alios, deinde ad alios:  una res. omnes de compecto rem agunt, quasi in Velabro olearii. nunc redeo inde, quoniam me ibi video ludificarier. 490 item alii parasiti frustra obambulabant in foro.

I left ’em after I saw I was being made a fool of this way, up I went to some others, and then to others, and to others still,—­same story.  They re all in a combination, just like the oil dealers in the Velabrum.[C] So here I am back again, seeing I was trifled with there.  Some more parasites were prowling round the forum all for nothing, too.

      [Footnote C:  A market district in Rome.]

nunc barbarica lege certumst ius meum omne persequi:  qui consilium iniere, quo nos victu et vita prohibeant, is diem dicam, inrogabo multam. ut mihi cenas decem meo arbitratu dent, cum cara annona sit. sic egero. nunc ibo ad portum hinc:  est illic mi una spes cenatica; si ea decolabit, redibo huc ad senem ad cenam asperam.

Now I’m going to have the foreign law on those chaps and demand my full rights, I certainly am:  it’s conspiracy, conspiracy to deprive us of sustenance and life, and I’m going to summon ’em, fine ’em—­ make ’em give me ten dinners, at my discretion, and that will be when food is dear.  That’s how I’ll catch them. (turning to go) Well, now for the harbour.  That’s where my one hope is, gastronomically speaking, if that oozes away, I’ll come back here to the old man’s terror of a meal.

      [EXIT Ergasilus, LOOKING IN ALL DIRECTIONS FOR A POSSIBLE
      HOST.