“Come,” said the inspector, unable to follow these observations, “you are a clever dodger, but you can’t dodge me.  Have you any statement to make with reference to the lady that was last seen in your company?”

“Take a statement about a lady!” said Smilash indignantly.  “Far be the thought from my mind!”

“What have you done with her?” said Agatha, impetuously.  “Don’t be silly.”

“You’re not bound to answer that, you know,” said the inspector, a little put out by Agatha’s taking advantage of her irresponsible unofficial position to come so directly to the point.  “You may if you like, though.  If you’ve done any harm, you’d better hold your tongue.  If not, you’d better say so.”

“I will set the young lady’s mind at rest respecting her honorable sister,” said Smilash.  “When the young lady caught sight of me she fainted.  Bein’ but a young man, and not used to ladies, I will not deny but that I were a bit scared, and that my mind were not open to the sensiblest considerations.  When she unveils her orbs, so to speak, she ketches me round the neck, not knowin’ me from Adam the father of us all, and sez, ‘Bring me some water, and don’t let the girls see me.’  Through not ‘avin’ the intelligence to think for myself, I done just what she told me.  I ups with her in my arms—­she bein’ a light weight and a slender figure—­and makes for the canal as fast as I could.  When I got there, I lays her on the bank and goes for the water.  But what with factories, and pollutions, and high civilizations of one sort and another, English canal water ain’t fit to sprinkle on a lady, much less for her to drink.  Just then, as luck would have it, a barge came along and took her aboard, and—­”

“To such a thing,” said Wickens’s boy stubbornly, emboldened by witnessing the effrontery of one apparently of his own class.  “I sor you two standin’ together, and her a kissin’ of you.  There worn’s no barge.”

“Is the maiden modesty of a born lady to be disbelieved on the word of a common boy that only walks the earth by the sufferance of the landlords and moneylords he helps to feed?” cried Smilash indignantly.  “Why, you young infidel, a lady ain’t made of common brick like you.  She don’t know what a kiss means, and if she did, is it likely that she’d kiss me when a fine man like the inspector here would be only too happy to oblige her.  Fie, for shame!  The barge were red and yellow, with a green dragon for a figurehead, and a white horse towin’ of it.  Perhaps you’re color-blind, and can’t distinguish red and yellow.  The bargee was moved to compassion by the sight of the poor faintin’ lady, and the offer of ’arf-a-crown, and he had a mother that acted as a mother should.  There was a cabin in that barge about as big as the locker where your ladyship keeps your jam and pickles, and in that locker the bargee lives, quite domestic, with his wife and mother and five children.  Them canal boats is what you may call the wooden walls of England.”