By aiming in all cases to insure the natural reactions to your child’s actions, you will put an advantageous check on your own temper.  The method of moral education pursued by many, we fear by most, parents, is little else than that of venting their anger in the way that first suggests itself.  The slaps, and rough shakings and sharp words, with which a mother commonly visits her offspring’s small offences (many of them not offences considered intrinsically), are generally but the manifestations of her ill-controlled feelings—­result much more from the promptings of those feelings than from a wish to benefit the offenders.  But by pausing in each case of transgression to consider what is the normal consequence, and how it may best be brought home to the transgressor, some little time is obtained for the mastery of yourself; the mere blind anger first aroused settles down into a less vehement feeling, and one not so likely to mislead you.

Do not, however, seek to behave as a passionless instrument.  Remember that besides the natural reactions to your child’s actions which the working of things tends to bring round on him, your own approbation or disapprobation is also a natural reaction, and one of the ordained agencies for guiding him.  The error we have been combating is that of substituting parental displeasure and its artificial penalties, for the penalties which Nature has established.  But while it should not be substituted for these natural penalties, we by no means argue that it should not, in some form, accompany them.  Though the secondary kind of punishment should not usurp the place of the primary kind; it may, in moderation, rightly supplement the primary kind.  Such amount of sorrow or indignation as you feel, should be expressed in words or manner; subject, of course, to the approval of your judgment.  The kind and degree of feeling produced in you will necessarily depend on your own character; and it is therefore useless to say it should be this or that.  Nevertheless, you may endeavour to modify the feeling into that which you believe ought to be entertained.  Beware, however, of the two extremes; not only in respect of the intensity, but in respect of the duration, of your displeasure.  On the one hand, avoid that weak impulsiveness, so general among mothers, which scolds and forgives almost in the same breath.  On the other hand, do not unduly continue to show estrangement of feeling, lest you accustom your child to do without your friendship, and so lose your influence over him.  The moral reactions called forth from you by your child’s actions, you should as much as possible assimilate to those which you conceive would be called forth from a parent of perfect nature.