Or take the Rev. James Roscoe Day, D.D., S.T.D., LL.D., D.C.L., L.H.D., a leading light of the Methodist Episcopal Church, who offers himself as comic relief in our Clerical Vaudeville.  Dr. Day is Chancellor of Syracuse University, a branch of the Mental Munitions Department of the Standard Oil Company; his function being to manufacture intellectual weapons and explosives to be used in defense of the Rockefeller fortune.  It is generally not expected that the makers of ruling-class munitions should face the dirty and perilous work of the trenches; but ten years ago, during a raid by an active squad of muckrake-men, Chancellor Day astonished the world by rushing to the front with both arms full of star-shells and bombs.  He afterwards put the history of this gallant action into a volume, “The Raid on Prosperity”; and if you want the real thrill of the class-war, here is where to get it!

The Chancellor is a quaint and touching figure; an enthusiast and dreamer, idealist and martyr, in whom the ordinary human virtues have been fused, absorbed, transformed and sublimated into a new supreme virtue of loyalty to Exploitation, patriotism for Profiteering.  He began life as a working-man, he tells us, in the good old American fashion of hustle for yourself; but he differed from other Americans in that he had an instant, intuitive recognition of the intellectual and moral excellence of Plutocracy.  The first time he met a rich man, he quivered with rapture, he burst into a hymn of appreciation.  So very quickly he was recognized as a proper person to have charge of a Mental Munition Works; and the ruling classes proceeded to pin medals upon the bosom of his academic robes—­D.D., S.T.D., L.L.D., D.C.L., L.H.D.

The Chancellor knows the masters of our Profit System, those “consummate geniuses of manufacture and trade by which the earth has yielded up her infinite treasures.”  And having been at the same time in intimate daily communion with the Almighty, he can tell us the Almighty’s attitude towards these prodigies.  “God has made the rich of this world to serve Him....  He has shown them a way to have this world’s goods and to be rich towards God....God wants the rich men....  Christ’s doctrines have made the world rich, and provide adequate uses for its riches.”  Also the Chancellor knows our great corporations, and gives us the Almighty’s views about them; they mean that “the forces with which God built the universe have been put into the hands of man.”  Likewise by divine authority we learn that “the sympathy given to Socialism is appalling.  It is insanity.”  We learn that the income tax is “a doctrine suited to the dark ages, only no age ever has been dark enough.”  Somebody raises the issue of “tainted money”, and the Chancellor disposes of this matter also.  As a Deputy of Divinity, he settles it by Holy Writ:  “Paul permitted meat offered to idols to be eaten in the fear of God.”  And then, to make assurance doubly sure, he settles it with plain human logic; and you are astonished to see how simple, under his handling, the complex problem becomes—­how clear and clean-cut is the distinction he draws for you: