The Clarion eBook

Samuel Hopkins Adams
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 486 pages of information about The Clarion.

The Clarion eBook

Samuel Hopkins Adams
This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 486 pages of information about The Clarion.

“Surely not,” said Hal.

“Sure is it!  What’s a doctor’s fee?  Three dollars, probably.”

“And Certina is a dollar a bottle.  If one bottle cures—­”

“Does what?  Quit your jollying,” laughed Certina Charley unsteadily.

“Cures the disease,” said Hal, his suspicions beginning to congeal into a cold dread that the revelation which he had been unconfessedly avoiding for weeks past was about to be made.

“If it did, we’d go broke.  Do you know how many bottles must be sold to any one patron before the profits begin to come in?  Six!  Count them, six.”

“Nonsense!  It can’t cost so much to make as—­”

“Make?  Of course it don’t.  But what does it cost to advertise?  You think I’m a little drink-taken, but I ain’t.  I’m giving you the straight figures.  It costs just the return on six bottles to get Certina into Mr. E.Z.  Mark’s hands, and until he’s paid his seventh dollar for his seventh bottle our profits don’t come in.  Advertising is expensive, these days.”

“How many bottles does it take to cure?” asked Hal, clinging desperately to the word.

“Nix on the cure thing, ’bo.  You don’t have to put up any bluff with me.  I’m on the inside, right down to the bottom.”

“Very well.  Maybe you know more than I do, then,” said Hal, with a grim determination, now that matters had gone thus far, to accept this opportunity of knowledge, at whatever cost of disillusionment.  “Go ahead.  Open up.”

“A real cure couldn’t make office-rent,” declared the expert with conviction.  “What you want in the proprietary game is a jollier.  Certina’s that.  The booze does it.  You ought to see the farmers in a no-license district lick it up.  Three or four bottles will give a guy a pretty strong hunch for it.  And after the sixth bottle it’s all velvet to us, except the nine cents for manufacture and delivery.”

“But it must be some good or people wouldn’t keep on buying it,” pursued Hal desperately.

“You’ve got all the old stuff, haven’t you!  The good ol’ stock arguments,” said Certina Charley, giggling.  “The Chief has taught you the lesson all right.  Must be studyin’ up to go before a legislative committee.  Well, here’s the straight of it.  Folks keep on buying Certina for the kick there is in it.  It’s a bracer.  And it’s a repeater, the best repeater in the trade.”

“But it must cure lots of them.  Look at the testimonials.  Surely they’re genuine.”

“So’s a rhinestone genuine—­as a rhinestone.  The testimonials that ain’t bought, or given as a favor, are from rubes who want to see their names in print.”

“At least I suppose it isn’t harmful,” said Hal desperately.

“No more than any other good ol’ booze.  It won’t hurt a well man.  I used to soak up quite a bit of it myself till my doc gave me an option on dyin’ of Bright’s disease or quittin’.”

“Bright’s disease!” exclaimed Hal.

Copyrights
Project Gutenberg
The Clarion from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.