I saw that my father was growing old and was drawing near the grave, and it made me sorry to feel that I was yet a stranger to such a father.  I loved him, and felt how much good resulted from that love; so I took the resolution to write to my father, and by letter to show him my true nature, so far as I could understand myself.  Long did I revolve this letter in my mind; never did I feel strength nor courage to write it.  Meanwhile a letter called me back home in November, after I had been some months engaged on the estate.  I was called upon to help my father, now quite weak and almost bedridden; at all events I could assist him in his correspondence.  Family and other cares and the activities of life absorbed my whole time.  What I meant to have done in my letter now happily became possible in speech from man to man, in glances from eye to eye.  My father was occupied by cares for my future prospects up till the end.  He died in February 1802.  May his enlightened spirit look down full of peace and blessing upon me as I write; may he now be content with that son who so loved him!

I now stood in every respect my own master, and might decide the direction of my future life for myself, according to the circumstances which lay around me.  With this intention I once more left the paternal roof at Easter, to undertake the post of clerk in the Office of Woods and Forests which formed one part of the general administration (divided into Treasury, Woods and Forests, and Tithe departments) of the as yet episcopal territory of Bamberg.[24] My district lay amidst unusual and lovely scenery; my duties were light, and when they were over I was free to roam in the neighbourhood, now doubly beautiful in the springtime, to live out my life in freedom, and gain strength for mind and soul.

Thus once again I lived much out of doors and in companionship with Nature.  My chief was proud of the possession of a considerable library, of which I made good use; and in this manner many of the publications then issuing from the press, and treating of matters connected with the occupation which I had chosen, passed through my hands, as well as those on other subjects.  I was especially attracted by some volumes which contained aphorisms, thoughts, and observations on conduct, selected from ancient and modern writers and thinkers.  My character grew upon and entwined itself around these aphorisms, which I could easily glance over, and as easily retain, and, more than all, which I could weave into my own life and thoughts, and by which I could examine my conduct.  I made extracts of those which were in closest accord with my inner life, and bore them always about my person.