Study how to combine the system of blisters with the mimic wiles of Carlin, the immortal Carlin of the Comedie-Italienne who always held and amused an audience for whole hours, by uttering the same words, varied only by the art of pantomime and pronounced with a thousand inflections of different tone,—­“The queen said to the king!” Imitate Carlin, discover some method of always keeping your wife in check, so as not to be checkmated yourself.  Take a degree among constitutional ministers, a degree in the art of making promises.  Habituate yourself to show at seasonable times the punchinello which makes children run after you without knowing the distance they run.  We are all children, and women are all inclined through their curiosity to spend their time in pursuit of a will-o’-the-wisp.  The flame is brilliant and quickly vanishes, but is not the imagination at hand to act as your ally?  Finally, study the happy art of being near her and yet not being near her; of seizing the opportunity which will yield you pre-eminence in her mind without ever crushing her with a sense of your superiority, or even of her own happiness.  If the ignorance in which you have kept her does not altogether destroy her intellect, you must remain in such relations with her that each of you will still desire the company of the other.

MEDITATION XIV.

OF APARTMENTS.

The preceding methods and systems are in a way purely moral; they share the nobility of the soul, there is nothing repulsive in them; but now we must proceed to consider precautions a la Bartholo.  Do not give way to timidity.  There is a marital courage, as there is a civil and military courage, as there is the courage of the National Guard.

What is the first course of a young girl after having purchased a parrot?  Is it not to fasten it up in a pretty cage, from which it cannot get out without permission?

You may learn your duty from this child.

Everything that pertains to the arrangement of your house and of your apartments should be planned so as not to give your wife any advantage, in case she has decided to deliver you to the Minotaur; half of all actual mischances are brought about by the deplorable facilities which the apartments furnish.

Before everything else determine to have for your porter a single man entirely devoted to your person.  This is a treasure easily to be found.  What husband is there throughout the world who has not either a foster-father or some old servant, upon whose knees he has been dandled!  There ought to exist by means of your management, a hatred like that of Artreus and Thyestes between your wife and this Nestor —­guardian of your gate.  This gate is the Alpha and Omega of an intrigue.  May not all intrigues in love be confined in these words —­entering and leaving?