Good night, now.  Am I not yours—­are you not mine?  And can that make you happy too?

Bless you once more and for ever.

That scrap of Landor’s being for no other eye than mine—­I made the foolish comment, that there was no blotting out—­made it some four or five years ago, when I could read what I only guess at now, through my idle opening the hand and letting the caught bird go—­but there used to be a real satisfaction to me in writing those grand Hebrew characters—­the noble languages!

E.B.B. to R.B.

Monday.
[Post-mark, November 24, 1845.]

But what unlawful things have I said about ‘kindness’?  I did not mean any harm—­no, indeed!  And as to thinking ... as to having ever thought, that you could ‘imitate’ (can this word be ’imitate’?) an unfelt feeling or a feeling unsupposed to be felt ...  I may solemnly assure you that I never, never did so.  ’Get up’—­’imitate’!!  But it was the contrary ... all the contrary!  From the beginning, now did I not believe you too much?  Did I not believe you even in your contradiction of yourself ... in your yes and no on the same subject, ... and take the world to be turning round backwards and myself to have been shut up here till I grew mad, ... rather than disbelieve you either way?  Well!—­You know it as well as I can tell you, and I will not, any more.  If I have been ‘wrong,’ it was not so ... nor indeed then ... it is not so, though it is now, perhaps.

Therefore ... but wait!  I never gave away what you ask me to give you, to a human being, except my nearest relatives and once or twice or thrice to female friends, ... never, though reproached for it; and it is just three weeks since I said last to an asker that I was ’too great a prude for such a thing’! it was best to anticipate the accusation!—­And, prude or not, I could not—­I never could—­something would not let me.  And now ... what am I to do ... ‘for my own sake and not yours?’ Should you have it, or not?  Why I suppose ... yes.  I suppose that ’for my own sense of justice and in order to show that I was wrong’ (which is wrong—­you wrote a wrong word there ... ‘right,’ you meant!) ’to show that I was right and am no longer so,’ ...  I suppose you must have it, ‘Oh, You,’ ... who have your way in everything!  Which does not mean ...  Oh, vous, qui avez toujours raison—­far from it.

Also ... which does not mean that I shall give you what you ask for, to-morrow,—­because I shall not—­and one of my conditions is (with others to follow) that not a word be said to-morrow, you understand.  Some day I will send it perhaps ... as you knew I should ... ah, as you knew I should ... notwithstanding that ‘getting up’ ... that ‘imitation’ ... of humility:  as you knew too well I should!