CHARIVARIA.

The favourite reading of the Sultan of Turkey is said to be criminal literature.  A gift-book in the shape of a new Life of the Kaiser is about to be despatched to him.

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King Alexander of Greece originally proclaimed that he would “carry out his father’s sacred mandate.”  But when it was pointed out to him that, if this was really his desire, an opportunity of following in his father’s footsteps would doubtless be granted him, he tried again.

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During the last air raid we are told that the employees of one large firm started singing “Dixie Land.”  We feel, however, that to combat the enemy’s aircraft much sterner measures must be adopted.

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“The Huns’ diet is low,” says a correspondent of The Daily Mail.  But then their tastes are low too.

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Writing of the recent Trentino offensive, Mr. Hamilton Fyfe says that several Austrian forts captured by the Italians were built of solid ice.  It is time that London had some defences of this character.

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The arrival of ex-King Tino at Lugubrioso, on the Swiss-Italian frontier, has been duly noted.

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The Lord Mayor of London has decided in future to warn the City of impending air raids.  Ringing the dinner-bell at the Mansion House, it is thought, is the best way of making City men take to their covers.

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A new epidemic, of which “bodily swellings” are the first symptom, is reported by the German papers.  And just when the previous epidemic of head-swellings was beginning to subside.

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A Marylebone boy, arrested for forgery, told the police that he had made two complete L1 notes out of paper bags.  Is this the paper-bag cookery of which we have heard so much?

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A market gardener told the Enfield Tribunal that a conscientious objector whom he had employed was found asleep at his work on two successive days.  People with highly-strung consciences very rarely enjoy this natural and easy slumber.

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The American scientist who claims to have invented a substitute for tobacco cannot have followed the movement of the age.  We have been able to obtain twopenny cigars in this country for years.

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An applicant who said he had six children has been given six months’ exemption.  A member of the Tribunal remarked that the exemption would mean one month for each child.  This great discovery proved too much for the poor fellow, who is said to have collapsed immediately.

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A new ship is being fitted out for Captain Amundsen, who is to proceed shortly with an Arctic exploration party.  In case he should discover any new land, arrangements have been made to hold a flag-day for the inhabitants, if any.