“‘Yes, your honor.’

“‘And you want to take the law of him,’ addressing the other.

“‘I do, the rascal.’

“’Very well, my good friends, if you wish to get law you have come to the wrong shop for it—­we deal in nothing but justice here:  so if you prefer justice to law, you shall have it.’

“‘Whichever your honor thinks is best for us.’

“‘Very well, then; are you able to fight this man?’

“‘Ha, ha, is it there you are, Sir William?’ says the fellow, brightening, ‘able is it! ay, and willing too.’

“‘And,’ says the baronet, addressing the other again, ’are you a match for him, do you think?’

“’Say no more, Sir William; only it was surely the Lord put the words into your mouth.’

“‘But,’ proceeds Sir W., ’mark me, if you don’t both abide by this battle—­if either of you, no matter which is beaten, shall attempt to get law elsewhere, upon my honor and soul, I will prosecute you both.’  The justice being well furnished with a sheaf of cudgels for the purpose, selects one for each, brings them quietly to the stable yard where he lets them fight it out, each having first solemnly promised to abide the result.”

“Is that true, baronet?”

“Perfectly true,” replied Sir William; “but I fear that like some of your wise and impartial proceedings here, it will soon work its own cure.  The business has increased so damnably—­this dispensation of justice I mean—­on my hands, that my stable yard resembles a fives court rather than anything else I know.  The method harmonizes with their habits so beautifully, that if there is an angry word between them it is only ‘d—­n you, are you for Sir W.?’ ‘Yes, you villain step out.’  They accordingly come, and as they touch their hats, I ask, well, my good fellows, what do you want now?  ’Not law Sir William, but justice—­the cudgels, plase your honor.’  In the beginning I was in the habit of making them relate the cause of quarrel first, and then fight it out afterwards, but experience soon taught me that all this was a mere waste of time.  In general now, I pass all that by; the complainants have their comfortable fight, as they say, and go home perfectly satisfied.”

“Here, you secretary, what the devil are you at there?  Why d-----e,
it wasn’t to toss half crowns with that rascal of a treasurer you came
here, sir; let us get through the business, and then you may both toss
off to the devil, where you’ll go at last.”

“Why,” said the secretary, “I placed the papers all arranged in proper order before you.”

“Yes, sir; I suppose you did; but who the devil can keep anything or anybody in order, in such a Babel as this?  Beevor, I’ll thank you to postpone the singing of your squib for the election; or take to the street when our business is over, and give it to the crowd.”

“You be d——­d, Spavin,” replied Beevor;

“I’ll finish it, if the devil was at the back door.”