by the almost utter absence of spiritual religion in the Established Church.  Some principle was necessary to keep Protestantism from falling to pieces, and as a good one could not be found in a church which is at this moment one mass of sordid and selfish secularity,* there was nothing left for it but a combination such as this.  Indeed, you could form no conception of the state of the Protestant Church here, even while I write, although you might form a very gorgeous one of the Establishment.  The truth is she is all Establishment and no Church; and is, to quote Swift’s celebrated simile—­

     “Like a fat corpse upon a bed,
     That rots and stinks in state.”

     * Let the reader remember that this, and almost everything
     that refers to the Irish Establishment, is supposed to have
     been written about forty years ago.

“There was no purifying or restraining power in the Establishment to modify, improve, or elevate the principles of Orangeism at all.  And what has been the consequence?  Why, that in attempting to infuse her spirit into the new system she was overmatched herself, and instead of making Orangeism Christian, the institution has made her Orange.  This is fact.  The only thing we have here now in the shape of a Church is the Orange system, for if you take that away what remains?

“This, my dear Spinageberd, is not to be wondered at; for no effects are without their causes.  In this country nobody ever dreams of entering the Established Church, from pure and pious motives.  In such a Church piety may be corrupted, but it is seldom rewarded.  No, the description of persons who now enter the Church are the younger sons of our nobility and gentry, of our squires, our dignitaries, and wealthy professional men; of our judges, generals, our deans, and our bishops.  Among the sons of such men the Church is carved out, with the exception of the chines, and sirloins, and other best joints, all of which are devoured by peculiar description of Englishmen, named Bishops, who are remarkable for excessively long claws and very shark-like teeth.  In this, however, we do not blame England, but agree with Dean Swift who asserted, that in his day, she uniformly selected the most unassuming, learned and pious individuals she could get; fitted them out as became such excellent Christian men, and sent them over with the best intentions imaginable, to instruct the Irish in all Christian truth and humility.  It so happened, however, that as soon as they had reached Hounslow Heath, they were every man, without exception, stopped, stripped, and robbed, by the gentlemen who frequent that celebrated locality; who, thinking that robbery on the high Church was safer and more lucrative than robbery upon the highway, came over here instead of pious men, where they remained in their original capacity for the remainder of their lives.