It was all Alicia with me, whatever they did.  I read the Minutes through a soft medium of maize-colored skirts.  Notes of melodious laughter bubbled, in my mind’s ear, through all the drawling and stammering of our speech-making members.  When our dignified President thought he had caught my eye, and made oratorical overtures to me from the top of the table, I was lost in the contemplation of silk purses and white fingers weaving them.  I meant “Alicia” when I said “hear, hear”—­and when I officially produced my subscription list, it was all aglow with the roseate hues of the marriage-license.  If any unsympathetic male readers should think this statement exaggerated, I appeal to the ladies—­they will appreciate the rigid, yet tender, truth of it.

The night of the ball came.  I have nothing but the vaguest recollection of it.

I remember that the more the perverse lecture theater was warmed the more persistently it smelled of damp plaster; and that the more brightly it was lighted, the more overgrown and lonesome it looked.  I can recall to mind that the company assembled numbered about fifty, the room being big enough to hold three hundred.  I have a vision still before me, of twenty out of these fifty guests, solemnly executing intricate figure-dances, under the superintendence of an infirm local dancing-master—­a mere speck of fidgety human wretchedness twisting about in the middle of an empty floor.  I see, faintly, down the dim vista of the Past, an agreeable figure, like myself, with a cocked hat under its arm, black tights on its lightly tripping legs, a rosette in its buttonhole, and an engaging smile on its face, walking from end to end of the room, in the character of Master of the Ceremonies.  These visions and events I can recall vaguely; and with them my remembrances of the ball come to a close.  It was a complete failure, and that would, of itself, have been enough to sicken me of remaining at the Duskydale Institution, even if I had not had any reasons of the tender sort for wishing to extend my travels in rural England to the neighborhood of Barkingham.

The difficulty was how to find a decent pretext for getting away.  Fortunately, the Managing Committee relieved me of any perplexity on this head, by passing a resolution, one day, which called upon the President to remonstrate with me on my want of proper interest in the affairs of the Institution.  I replied to the remonstrance that the affairs of the Institution were so hopelessly dull that it was equally absurd and unjust to expect any human being to take the smallest interest in them.  At this there arose an indignant cry of “Resign!” from the whole committee; to which I answered politely, that I should be delighted to oblige the gentlemen, and to go forthwith, on condition of receiving a quarter’s salary in the way of previous compensation.

After a sordid opposition from an economical minority, my condition of departure was accepted.  I wrote a letter of resignation, received in exchange twelve pounds ten shillings, and took my place, that same day, on the box-seat of the Barkingham mail.