OX-TAIL CHOW CHOW.—­To make ox-tail chow chow without an ox is one of the best jokes in the world on the appetite.  Remove the pin-feathers from a young onion and chop it up fine, add water, stir gently and add more water.  Let it sizzle.  Add more water.  Always boil the water before adding.  Let it sizzle.  Now remove the skum and serve hot with watercresses on the side.  This is a nice dish for a small family and at the same time it shows what a generous nature the Food Trust has to suggest it.

MOCK GIBLETS.—­Take two rubber-neck clams and after stuffing them with chestnuts fry them over a slow fire.  The Coal Trust will see to it that you have no trouble in getting a slow but expensive fire.  Let them sizzle.  Now remove the necks from the clams and add baking soda.  Let them sizzle.  Take the juice of a lemon and scatter it at the clams.  Serve hot, with pink finger bowls with your initials on them.  Some people prefer to have their initials on the clams, but such an idea is only for the wealthy.

IMITATION PRUNE PIE.—­Take a dozen knot-holes and peel them carefully.  Remove the shells and add a cup of sugar.  Stir quickly and put in a hot oven.  Bake gently for six hours and then add a little Jamaica ginger.  Serve cold with tea wafers and talk fast while eating them.

BREAKFAST BACON.—­Take a hat full of pine shavings and remove the interior.  Add a little sherry wine and sweeten to taste.  Let them sizzle.  Sprinkle with salt and pepper and other cosmetics and let them sizzle.  Now turn them over with a spoon and serve them hot off the griddle.

SARATOGA CHIPS.—­The same as the breakfast bacon only you don’t remove the interior from the pine shavings.  Just take them as Nature made them and add a little salad oil.  Serve cold with shredded onions on the side.

MOCK BAKED BEANS.—­Take as many buttons as the family can afford and remove the thread.  Add pure spring water, put in a saucepan and stir gently until you burst your buttons.  Add a little flour to calm them and let them sizzle.  Serve with tomato catsup or molasses, according to the location you find yourself living on the map.

OATMEAL PUDDING.—­Take the sawdust carefully from a freshly caught board and remove the husks.  Add water and let it sizzle.  Stir gently two hours, then rest a while.  Pour the contents into a saucepan and saturate it with sugar and salt and other spices.  Serve without splashing it, and add a little cold water painted white to look like milk.  This last idea is a splendid joke on the Milk Trust.

HAMBURGER STEAK.—­Always be sure to get a fresh Hamburger.  There is nothing that will reconcile a man to a vegetarian diet so quickly as an over-ripe Hamburger.  They should always be picked at the full of the moon.  To tell the age of a Hamburger look at its teeth.  One row of teeth for every year, and the limit is seven rows.  Now remove the wishbone and slice carefully.  Add Wooster sauce and let it sizzle.  Add a pinch of potato salad and stir gently.  Serve hot and eat fast with the eyes closed tight.