so as to suit the most fastidgeous Waiter’s taste, and not ellowd to taste ewen one glass of ’em!  I thinks as I’ve heard of sum unfortnit hindiwidial, in holden times, as used to be seated down hevrey day to a werry scrumpshus dinner, but, whatever he fixt his mind upon, the Doctor woudn’t allow him to taste it, not by no means.  His name, I think, was SANKY PANSER, some relashun of MOODY and SANKY, I sposes.  His master’s name was DAN QUICKSHOT, ony another name, I bleeves, for BUFFALO BILL.  But that was nothink of a case to wun as my son WILLIAM told us of the other day.  It seems as there was, wunce upon a time, a Greshian Gent, by the name of TANTLUS, who, becoz he was found out in helping hisself to sum werry speshal brand of Neckter, was condemned to stand up to his neck in water for ewer so many years; and altho he was so dredfool thusty that he would have drunk a lot of ewen that cold, thin stuff, he wasn’t allowed not to taste a drop; and, not only that, but there was a lot of most bewtifool frute a hanging jest above his pore hed, and whenever he tried jest to pluck a bit of it, the crewel wind blowed it away out of his reach.  Hence the prowerb, “You be blowed!”

In course I don’t pertend to know how these things was manidged in former times, but I werry much douts whether ewen a Greshian Gent’s constitushun coud posserbly have stood it for ewer so menny years!

ROBERT.

* * * * *

CARON AND CHARON.

(AFTER DIPPING INTO MAJOR LE CARON’S “RECOLLECTIONS.")

  MAJOR LE CARON!  Major!  True, a greater
    Or more accomplished spy who ever knew? 
  And so original!  In fact, the pater
    Of all deception yields the palm to You! 
  Courageous, honest, crafty, how you met
    Wile with wile wilier!  And then, forsooth,
  You so transformed yourself to suit each set,
    That it is praise to say, “you lied like truth!”
  And in an honest cause!  Renown’d Ulysses,
    That craftiest hero yields to you in guile. 
  You touch the gold!  You’re not the man who misses
    A chance!  You caught the wariest with your smile! 
  “CARON!” The “h” is dropped, or we could fix
    (And so we can if Greek the name we make)
  You as the ancient Ferryman of Styx,
    Punting the Ghosts across the Stygian lake. 
  The simile is nearly perfect, note,
  For you, with your Conspirators afloat,
  Were, as you’ve shown us, all in the same boat.

* * * * *

AT IT AGAIN!

The following correspondence and extracts have been sent to Mr.
Punch for publication:—­

I.—­Koniglich-Kaiserlicher Ober-Hof-Rath Doctor Hermann Dummwitz von
Hammelfleisch to The Emperor-King William the Second.

MOST GRACIOUS IMPERIAL MAJESTY,

I have the honour to announce to your Majesty, that my spouse, the beautiful and accomplished clergyman-daughter, ANNA ANSELMA, whom, by your Majesty’s ever-to-be-with-gratitude-remembered permission, I last year to the altar led, is now of good hope, and will shortly, if all should go well, add one to your Majesty’s loyal and submissive subjects.  I make this announcement in accordance with your Majesty’s Hochzeit’s Decree, Section 6.