“Like the Volunteers?”

“No, not a bit like the Volunteers.”

“Well, then, like potatoes.”

“Yes, more like potatoes, except that they’re peas in this case.”

“How true,” I said.

“Yes.  And don’t forget that while you were away we formed a League of Honour in the village and bound ourselves to observe the FOOD CONTROLLER’S rations.”

“Am I a member?”

“Yes, we thought you’d like to be one, so I gave your name in.”

“I think a man must pledge his own honour.  He can’t have it done for him.”

“There’s no public ceremony.  You can just pledge yourself in your mind, and then put a pledge card in one of the windows.”

“I’ll have tea first,” I said, “and then I’ll choose the window, and then I’ll pledge myself in my mind.”

“No, you can do the pledging now.”

“I’ve done it, while you were talking.”

“And after all it’s only the old rations according to Lord DEVONPORT, and we’ve been working under them for some time now.”

“So we have,” I said; “but of course the card in the window makes all the difference.”

R.C.L.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE SERVANT PROBLEM.

Lady.  “AND WHY DID YOUR LAST MISTRESS——­”

Applicant (loftily).  “EXCUSE ME, MADAM!”

Lady.  “WELL—­ER—­YOUR LAST EMPLOYER——­”

Applicant.  “I BEG YOUR PARDON, MADAM!”

Lady.  “WELL, THEN, YOUR LAST—­ER—­PRAY WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE IN WHOSE SERVICE YOU ARE ENGAGED?”

Applicant.  “CLIENTS, MADAM.” [Collapse of interrogator.]]

* * * * *

    OUR MODEST CONTEMPORARIES.

“Had it been intended to make any new pronouncement of importance the Berlin Government would have taken steps to circulate the speech by wireless in time for publication in ‘The Star’ yesterday evening.”—­The Star.

It is possible that Dr. BETHMANN-HOLLWEG was misled by our contemporary’s habit of publishing its “7.0 Edition” at 4.30.

* * * * *

From an obituary notice:—­

    “He had studied Eastern religions, and claimed to have been
    initiated as a llama of Tibet.”—­Daily Mail.

Or should it be the Grand Lama of Peru?

* * * * *

“The——­Food Economy Committee were astounded yesterday at the secretary’s report of a collier’s family of six persons who consumed twenty half-quartern loaves in one week, averaging twenty pounds of bread per person.”—­Sunday Chronicle.

It is not stated whether the astonishment was caused by the family’s appetite or the secretary’s arithmetic.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Fond Mother (reading). “’OUR CAPTAIN IS ONE OF THE BEST, AND WE’RE READY TO FOLLOW HIM TO H—­L.’  I SUPPOSE HE MEANS THE HINDENBURG LINE.”]