163.  It is the beginning that is every thing in this important case; and you will have, perhaps, much to do to convince her, not that what you recommend is advantageous; not that it is right; but to convince her that she can do it without sinking below the station that she ought to maintain.  She would cheerfully do it; but there are her next-door neighbours, who do not do it, though, in all other respects, on a par with her.  It is not laziness, but pernicious fashion, that you will have to combat.  But the truth is, that there ought to be no combat at all; this important matter ought to be settled and fully agreed on beforehand.  If she really love you, and have common sense, she will not hesitate a moment; and if she be deficient in either of these respects; and if you be so mad in love as to be unable to exist without her, it is better to cease to exist at once, than to become the toiling and embarrassed slave of a wasting and pillaging servant.

164.  The next thing to be attended to is, your demeanor towards a young wife.  As to oldish ones, or widows, time and other things have, in most cases, blunted their feelings, and rendered harsh or stern demeanor in the husband a matter not of heart-breaking consequence.  But with a young and inexperienced one, the case is very different; and you should bear in mind, that the first frown that she receives from you is a dagger to her heart.  Nature has so ordered it, that men shall become less ardent in their passion after the wedding day; and that women shall not.  Their ardour increases rather than the contrary; and they are surprisingly quick-sighted and inquisitive on this score.  When the child comes, it divides this ardour with the father; but until then you have it all; and if you have a mind to be happy, repay it with all your soul.  Let what may happen to put you out of humour with others, let nothing put you out of humour with her.  Let your words and looks and manners be just what they were before you called her wife.

165.  But now, and throughout your life, show your affection for her, and your admiration of her, not in nonsensical compliment; not in picking up her handkerchief, or her glove, or in carrying her fan or parasol; not, if you have the means, in hanging trinkets and baubles upon her; not in making yourself a fool by winking at, and seeming pleased at, her foibles, or follies, or faults; but show them by acts of real goodness towards her; prove by unequivocal deeds the high value that you set on her health and life and peace of mind; let your praise of her go to the full extent of her deserts, but let it be consistent with truth and with sense, and such as to convince her of your sincerity.  He who is the flatterer of his wife only prepares her ears for the hyperbolical stuff of others.  The kindest appellation that her Christian name affords is the best you can use, especially before faces.  An everlasting ’my