[Footnote 2:  “P. and G.” might stand for “Pay-for-it and Get-it,” or “Pour-it and Guzzle-it.”  A Correspondent has suggested that solution of the initial problem might possibly be found in the names of Pommery and Gre’—­No!  So common-place a suggestion is evidently, and on the face of it, absurd.  Not in this spirit did the Pickwick Club treat the celebrated inscription on the stone that so puzzled the antiquarians.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  SPORT!

Cockney Sportsman (eager, but disappointed).  “I SAY, MY BOY, SEEN ANY BIRDS THIS WAY?”

’Cute Rustic (likewise anxious to make a bag). “OH, A RARE LOT, GUV’NOR—­A RARE LOT—­JUST FLEW OVER THIS ’ERE ’EDGE, AND SETTLED IN THAT ’ERE FIELD, CLOSE TO SQUIRE BLANK’S RICKS.”

[Grateful Cockney Sportsman tips boy a shilling, and goes hopefully after ... a flock of Starlings!]

* * * * *

CAUGHT BY THE CLASSICS.

(THE RECORD OF A RUINED LIFE.)

AUGUSTUS SPARKLER was an exceptionally brilliant man.  At school he had done marvellously well, and if he did not distinguish himself at either of the Universities, it was less his fault than his misfortune.  When he entered the world, after casting off parental control, he took up Medicine.  He was a great success.  He rose by leaps and bounds, until at length it was thought highly probable that he would be elected President of the Royal College of Physicians.  He was sounded upon the subject, and a question was put to him.

“No,” he replied, sorrowfully, and then the courteous Secretary informed him, with tears in his voice, that he feared he was disqualified.

“Well, I will enter the Navy.”

He did.  He passed through the Britannia, and rose by leaps and bounds, until it was considered desirable to revive the post of Lord High Admiral for his acceptance.  But before this was done, he was sounded upon the subject, and asked a question.

“No,” he again answered, regretfully.

“I am afraid then, that the scheme must be abandoned,” returned the First Civil Lord (he had been chosen as more polite than his sea colleagues), and he was almost moved to tears in his sadness.

“I will enter the Army,” cried AUGUSTUS, with determination.

And he did.  He rose from the ranks in less than no time to become a Field Marshal.  It was then that a certain Illustrious Personage asked him if he would like to become Commander-in-Chief.

“It is not impossible I might resign in your favour,” said the I.P.  And then he asked him the necessary question.

“No, Sir,” returned AUGUSTUS, bowing down his head in shame.  Again he found that his career was interrupted.

“I will try the Bar,” he shouted.

And he did.  He entered at Gray’s Inn, and in a very short time became a Q.C., a Judge, and a Lord Justice.  Then the entire Ministry begged him, as a personal favour, to accept the post of Lord Chancellor.