A year or two ago the General fell ill, and the doctors shook their heads.  It was touching to see the concern of all his young friends.  CHARLIE CHIRPER, a gay little butterfly of a fellow, who never seemed to treat life as anything but a huge joke, became gloomy with anxiety.  Twice every day he called to make inquiries, and, as the bulletins got worse, CHARLIE became visibly thinner.  I saw him at the Club one evening, sitting moodily in a corner.  “What’s up, CHARLIE?” I said to him.  “You look as if you’d been refused by an heiress.”  “The Old General’s worse to-day,” said CHARLIE, simply.  “They’re very anxious about him.  No, dash it all!” he went on, “it’s too bad.  I can’t bear to think of it.  Such an old ripper as the General!  Why must they take him?  Why can’t they take a useless chap like me, who never did anyone any good?” And the unaccustomed tears came into the lad’s eyes as he turned his head away.  But the old General battled through, and, thank Heaven, I can still write of him in the present tense.

Yours as always, my dear boy, DIOGENES ROBINSON.

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“ANECDOTAGE.”

(COMPANION VOLUME TO OTHER WORKS OF THE SAME KIND.)

A traveller in Italy during the middle ages knew a Chemist very well indeed.  One day a rather stylish Lady, with a shifty look about the eyes, entered the shop and asked for some poison.  “I cannot furnish you.  Madam, with what you require.  I have quarrelled with the undertaker.”  The Traveller subsequently ascertained that the name of the lady was LUCREZIA BORGIA.

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Just before the Battle of Waterloo, FOUCHE met BONAPARTE, who was then in command of the French Army.  He said, “You will find that, before this campaign is over, I shall have on one foot a BLUCHER, and on the other a WELLINGTON.  It is fortunate for me I cannot find pairs of both!  This is a proof (if one is needed) of the EMPEROR’s fear of fate.

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CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS was (as a lad) very fond of exploration.  One day he went over to America, and, arriving at his destination, christened it Columbia.  The land of the Yankees, even now, is occasionally known by this appellation.

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Mr. Punch one day was invited to listen to Someone’s Recollections or Reminiscences.  All went well for five minutes, when the Autobiographist, looking up from his Autobiography, found that Mr. Punch was fast asleep.  The Sage slumbered as the Representative of the Public.

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