“In recognition of his heroic service, I suppose?”

“No, sah.  I reckon he got dat job in reco’nition o’ his having lost one o’ his hands.”

BESS—­“Somebody passed a counterfeit dime on Bob a year ago, and he hasn’t been able to get rid of it since.”

MAIDEN AUNT (horrified)—­“What!  Does that young man never go to church, then?”

A Scotch minister in need of funds thus conveyed his intentions to his congregation: 

“Weel, friends, the kirk is urgently in need of siller, and as we have failed to get money honestly we will have to see what a bazaar can do for us.”

It is said that the farthing was coined in response to a demand from Scotchmen for a satisfactory coin for the collection box.  It’s value is a fourth of a cent.

A minister was on his vacation in the country.  A neighboring church heard of it and asked him to preach while their own pastor was away.  He consented and, on the Sunday when he was to supply, he and his boy walked across the fields to the church.  In the vestibule there was a box for voluntary contributions and the minister after feeling around in his pocket found fifty cents which he dropped in.  After the sermon, the elders came up to express their appreciation for his fine sermon and then remembered they hadn’t yet paid him.  They generously decided to give him all the collection for that Sunday and on opening the contribution box they found exactly fifty cents.  The minister accepted it and went on his way home.  After walking some distance the boy noticed his father was very silent evidently pondering over something, so he said, “Father, how much did you get?”

The father replied “Fifty cents, son.”

“Why father, that’s just what you put in, wasn’t it?” asked the boy.

“Yes, son.”

Both walked along in silence for some distance further, then the boy spoke up and said:  “Father, if you had put more in, you’d have got more out, wouldn’t you?”

Tight, who had money to burn but was apparently afraid of fire, happened in a church one day when a collection was being taken for foreign missions.  Eventually the collector reached Tight, but Tight didn’t make any motions like producing beautiful coin.

“Pardon me,” said the collector, placing the box before Tight, “we are taking a collection for foreign missions.  Wouldn’t you like to add a little to the amount?”

“No, sir!” was the decisive rejoinder of Tight.  “I never give to foreign missions.”

“Then take a little out of the box,” softly responded the collector.  “The money is for the benefit of the heathen.”

A church in Kansas was raising funds for a new church and the minister was calling on members for subscriptions.  One of the pillars of the church rose and said:  “I subscribe five dollars.”  Just at that instant a piece of plaster fell on his head.  Half stunned he mumbled “f-f-five hundred dollars” and the minister prayed “Oh Lord, hit him again.”