“That’s a fire escape,” said the man, “I carry one with me so I can let myself down from the window without troubling anyone.”

“Good plan,” said the landlord, “but guests with fire escapes like that pay in advance at this hotel.”

DEPARTING GUEST—­“Enjoyed ourselves?  Oh yes!  What I’m upset about is leaving your hotel so soon after I’ve bought it.”

A commercial traveler, on leaving a certain hotel, said to the proprietor:  “Pardon me, but with what material do you stuff the beds in your establishment?”

“Why,” said the landlord, proudly, “with the best straw to be found in the whole country!”

“That,” returned the traveler, “is very interesting.  I now know whence the straw came that broke the camel’s back.”

ARCHITECT (enthusiastically showing plans of hotel)—­“On the first floor, next to the dining-room, is the ladies’ smoking-room; over here is the men’s writing-room; here is the blue lecture-room where the suffrage meetings are to be held; next to it is the pink tea-room.  Directly over it, on the second floor, is the music-room, where the Tuesday recitals will be given; behind it is the little theater for the Saturday tableaux.  The ballroom is on the third floor, and on the fourth—­”

HOTEL PROPRIETOR (interrupting)—­“That’s all very nice.  But where are the guests’ rooms?”

ARCHITECT—­“Bless my soul!  I forgot all about them!”

“John, dear,” wrote a lady from the Capital, “I enclose the hotel bill.”

“Dear Jane, I enclose a check,” wrote John in reply; “but please don’t buy any more hotels at this price—­they are robbing you!”

A traveler who alighted from the train in a small Southern town was greeted by a colored porter, who shouted at him, “Palace hotel, boss!” and grabbed the traveler’s baggage, and the latter said, “Wait a minute, Rastus.  Is this hotel American or European?” and Rastus replied, “I dunno, boss, but I thinks they’se Irish.”

“Where’s that hotel that used to advertise, ’All the Comforts of Home for One Dollar’?”

“Busted up.  The hotel opposite put up a sign:  ’None of the Discomforts of Home for Two Dollars.’”

Miss Muffit had recently joined the “Band of Sisters for Befriending Burglars” and was being shown over a prison for the first time.

One prisoner, evidently a man of education, interested her more than the others.  He rose and bowed to her when she entered his cell, apologizing for the poorness of his apartment.

Miss Muffit could not help wondering how this refined man came within the clutches of the law.  In fact, as she was leaving his cell she said: 

“May I ask you why you are in this distressing place?”

“Madam,” he replied, “I am here for robbery at a seaside hotel!”

“How very interesting!” said Miss Muffit.  “Were you—­er—­the proprietor?”

“Would you like some views of the hotel to send to your friends?”