“What’s the idea?” his boon companion inquired.

“Impressionistic study.”

“Do you mean to tell me that is a finished painting?”

“Certainly.”

“What are you going to call it?”

“A village street as seen from the rear seat of a motorcycle.”

GAMBLING

“Look, mother,” said Bobbie, exhibiting a handful of marbles, “I won all those from Willie Smith.”

“Why, Bobbie!” exclaimed his mother; “don’t you know it’s wicked to play marbles for ‘keeps’?  Go right over to his house and give back every one.”

“Yes, mother,” said the boy obediently; “and shall I take that vase you won at Mrs. Jones’ whist party, and give it back to her?”

“It’s just as wrong to gamble when you win as when you lose.”

“Yassuh,” asserted Mr. Erastus Pinkley.  “De immorality is jes’ as great, but de inconvenience ain’t.”

PROFESSOR—­“Now I put the number seven on the board.  What number immediately comes into your mind?”

CLASS (in unison)—­“Eleven!”—­Burr.

SAM—­“Ah done heard dat dey fine’ Columbus’s bones.”

EZRA—­“Lawd!  Ah never knew dat he wuz a gamblin’ man.”

GARAGES

“What do they sell in that last garage besides gasoline, father?”

“‘Besides,’ my son?  You mean ‘instead of.’”—­Life.

GARDENING

“I suppose you are going to raise potatoes in your garden?”

“I was, but when I read the directions for planting I found that it would be impossible.  They should be planted in hills, and my yard is perfectly level.”

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS WIFE—­“If you want a garden this year you had better hire somebody to make it.  I’m not going to try it again.  I’ve figured it out; and if I would spend on my business the time I put in on that garden I would make enough money to keep us in vegetables for fifty years.  I am off it for life.”

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS NEIGHBOR—­“I don’t think I’ll bother with a garden this year.  It doesn’t pay; I may do a little; but the digging and the labor—­I’m off that for life.”

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS PARTNER—­“Well, how’s the garden coming along?  I’m not doing much with mine this year.  What?  How high did you say?  Already?  What seed did you use?”

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS WIFE WHEN HE GOT HOME AN HOUR EARLY THAT DAY—­“Call me when dinner’s ready.  I’ve got to get the garden started today or I’ll never raise a thing.”

GAS

DISSATISFIED HOUSEHOLDER—­“Do you mean to say that this meter measures the amount of gas we burn?”

GAS COLLECTOR—­“I will enter into no controversy, sir; but I may say that the meter measures the amount of gas you will have to pay for.”