Meditation, painful & continual thought only encreased my doubts—­I dared not commit the blasphemy of ascribing the slightest evil to a beneficent God—­To whom then should I ascribe the creation?  To two principles?  Which was the upermost?  They were certainly independant for neither could the good spirit allow the existence of evil or the evil one the existence of good—­Tired of these doubts to which I could form no probable solution—­Sick of forming theories which I destroyed as quickly as I built them I was one evening on the top of Hymettus beholding the lovely prospect as the sun set in the glowing sea—­I looked towards Athens & in my heart I exclaimed—­oh busy hive of men!  What heroism & what meaness exists within thy walls!  And alas! both to the good & to the wicked what incalculable misery—­Freemen ye call yourselves yet every free man has ten slaves to build up his freedom—­and these slaves are men as they are yet d[e]graded by their station to all that is mean & loathsome—­Yet in how many hearts now beating in that city do high thoughts live & magnanimity that should methinks redeem the whole human race—­What though the good man is unhappy has he not that in his heart to satisfy him?  And will a contented conscience compensate for fallen hopes—­a slandered name torn affections & all the miseries of civilized life?—­

Oh Sun how beautiful thou art!  And how glorious is the golden ocean that receives thee!  My heart is at peace—­I feel no sorrow—­a holy love stills my senses—­I feel as if my mind also partook of the inexpressible loveliness of surrounding nature—­What shall I do?  Shall I disturb this calm by mingling in the world?—­shall I with an aching heart seek the spectacle of misery to discover its cause or shall I hopless leave the search of knowledge & devote myself to the pleasures they say this world affords?—­Oh! no—­I will become wise!  I will study my own heart—­and there discovering as I may the spring of the virtues I possess I will teach others how to look for them in their own souls—­I will find whence arrises this unquenshable love of beauty I possess that seems the ruling star of my life—­I will learn how I may direct it aright and by what loving I may become more like that beauty which I adore And when I have traced the steps of the godlike feeling which ennobles me & makes me that which I esteem myself to be then I will teach others & if I gain but one proselyte—­if I can teach but one other mind what is the beauty which they ought to love—­and what is the sympathy to which they ought to aspire what is the true end of their being—­which must be the true end of that of all men then shall I be satisfied & think I have done enough—­