Behold the young playwright who hears his own piece,
At night, at night! 
He thinks that (ironic) applause will ne’er cease,
At night, at night! 
His “little one-act thing” is stodgy and slow,
But the Pit is good-natured, the youth’s in a glow,
And he thinks—­with some “cuts”—­it will be “a great go,”
At night, at night! 
But oh, what a difference
In the morning! 
The critics call the thing “an awful warning,”
They “guy,” and sneer, and scoff,
And his bantling’s taken off,
“To make room for some old farce, Sir!”
In the morning!

* * * * *

TAKING THE OAT-CAKE.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,—­I was very much interested in the statement I saw in the papers the other day, that the best preservatives of a Lady’s complexion are—­Oatmeal and Oranges!  I at once began the diet, but have not succeeded very well at present.  Porridge, even with milk and cream, and plenty of sugar, is such commonplace stuff, and one can’t really be expected to eat oatmeal raw, though Scotch gamekeepers are said to do so.  But then they are out in the open air all day, and I am not.  Oranges are nice enough—­but oh, Mr. Punch, what a lot of them one has to take before one feels as if one had had a meal!  As I have stopped all other food, I am becoming rather weak.  My complexion is, I think, improved—­at all events, it is far less red or pink than it used to be—­but I really haven’t the strength to go out of doors to show it off.  Even writing is a burden—­so I will close, hoping that my experiences may benefit others who like to try the regimen.

LYDIA LANGUISH.

P.S.—­My Doctor has just stopped the diet!

DEAR SIR,—­We are sure that the Oatmeal-and-Orange prescription is an invaluable one for the complexion.  We recently tried it on a Street Arab, and after one or two doses—­accompanied by the employment of soap and water—­he developed such a beautiful pink-and-white skin, that his parents failed to recognise him.  This was unfortunate in one way, as he has now become chargeable on the rates.  Talking of rates, we may mention that we supply finest Midlothian Campaign Oatmeal at a more reasonable figure than any other firm in the trade.  Price-list on application.

Yours obediently, McCANNY & Co.

Edinburgh.

SIR,—­I am not less than fifty years’ old, and marked with small-pox, and therefore I think that Oatmeal and Oranges would be sure to do my complexion good.  As mine is perhaps a rather unusual case, I am trying the remedy in a peculiarly thorough way.  I have an Oatmeal-bath twice a day, during which I suck six oranges.  My breakfast consists of porridge and marmalade.  I have engaged a policeman to knock at my front door three times every night, to wake me.  I then sit up in bed and consume oat-cakes soaked in orange-juice.  I also dress in yellow, and I have written to Belfast to ask if I can be admitted to an Orange Society there, but hitherto I have received no reply.  You will, I think, agree with me that I am giving the new treatment a fair trial.  Yours truly,