Mrs. Meanly. But, dear, ought we to do it in war-time?

Mr. Meanly. After the publication of our system of meals, it will be quite safe to send the invitations, my love.

* * * * *

A CURRENT EVENT.

Years ago Mr. Punch, in a moment of inspiration (I wrote the article myself), suggested that some benevolent American millionaire might alter the course of the Gulf Stream so that it flowed right round these islands.  In the eye of imagination he saw date palms bordering the Strand, costers sitting under their own banana trees, and stately cavalcades of camels bearing wearied City men to Balham or Putney. (Unhappily he could not look so far into the future as to forecast the allotment holders returning home laden with sugar-canes).

Now a writer in The Times suggests that the chill of the present season is due to the effect of the Panama Canal on the Gulf Stream.  This is an insidious attempt to make bad blood between ourselves and our new allies.  We could only feel the bitterest hostility towards anyone in any way responsible for the present season.  Why, this spring has spread such devastation through the land that writers of nature notes have been unable to pay their plumbers’ bills.

But while we repudiate the implication of American responsibility we think it well to be absolutely on the safe side; so we suggest that it would be a friendly act, and consonant with the new spirit of alliance, if she would kindly keep the Panama Canal plugged for the next few weeks.  One would like to make sure of hearing the cuckoo in Victory Year.

* * * * *

    “Only ninety-two pigs came to Vienna’s Easter market, of which ninety-
    four were allotted to hospitals.”—­Daily Mail.

The two extra ones, it is understood, came from HINDENBURG’S “strategic reserve.”

* * * * *

    “It is expected that an official announcement will shortly be made of a
    scheme which will put practically the whole of the topmaking industry
    of Bradford at the disposal of the Government.”—­Daily Telegraph.

That ought to make things hum.

* * * * *

“Napoleon was desolated were he left in the same room with a cat ... but he was not in the least afraid of being alone in the same room with Anne of Austria, whose claws were of a far more formidable capacity.”—­ West Australian.

NAPOLEON’S intrepidity may have been due to his knowledge that ANNE of Austria died about a century before he was born.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “MY POOR REGINALD IS IN ’ORSPITAL WITH RHEUMATICS IN HIS LEGS.  THE SCOTCH COSTUME, YOU KNOW.”]

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

“THE OLD LADY SHOWS HER MEDALS.”