I often spend laborious days
  Supported by a little maize;
  And rice prepared in divers ways
  My appetite at luncheon stays. 
  From sugar I avert my gaze;
  Unsweetened tea my thirst allays;
  I never go to any plays
  Or smoke expensive Henry Clays.”

  Our excellent Economist
    His pet extravagance forgets,
  Which rather spoils his little list—­
    His fifty daily cigarettes.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “SWOOPING FROM THE WEST.”

[It is the intention of our new Ally to assist us in the patrolling of the Atlantic.]]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ON AN OUTLYING FORT.

Orderly Officer. “ANYTHING SERIOUS TO REPORT, SERGEANT?”

Sergeant. “GUNNER JONES FEELS ’OMESICK, SIR, AND MAY HE SEND FOR ’IS PARROT?”]

* * * * *

THE GENERAL.

  Last night, as I was washing up,
  And just had rinsed the final cup,
  All of a sudden, ’midst the steam,
  I fell asleep and dreamt a dream. 
  I saw myself an old, old man,
  Nearing the end of mortal span,
  Bent, bald and toothless, lean and spare,
  Hunched in an ancient beehive chair. 
  Before me stood a little lad
  Alive with questions.  “Please, Granddad,
  Did Daddy fight, and Uncle Joe,
  In the Great War of long ago?”
  I nodded as I made reply: 
  “Your Dad was in the H.L.I.,
  And Uncle Joseph sailed the sea,
  Commander of a T.B.D.,
  And Uncle Jack was Major too——­”
  “And what,” he asked me, “what were you?”
  I stroked the little golden head;
  “I was a General,” I said. 
  “Come, and I’ll tell you something more
  Of what I did in the Great War.” 
  At once the wonder-waiting eyes
  Were opened in a mild surmise;
  Smiling, I helped the little man
  To mount my knee, and so began: 
  “When first the War broke out, you see,
  Grandma became a V.A.D.;
  Your Aunties spent laborious days
  In working at Y.M.C.A.’s;
  The servants vanished.  Cook was found
  Doing the conscript baker’s round;
  The housemaid, Jane, in shortened skirt
  (She always was a brazen flirt),
  Forsook her dusters, brooms and pails
  To carry on with endless mails. 
  The parlourmaid became a vet.,
  The tweeny a conductorette,
  And both the others found their missions
  In manufacturing munitions. 
  I was a City man.  I knew
  No useful trade.  What could I do? 
  Your Granddad, boy, was not the sort
  To yield to fate; he was a sport. 
  I set to work; I rose at six,
  Summer and winter; chopped the sticks,
  Kindled the fire, made early tea
  For Aunties and the V.A.D. 
  I cooked the porridge, eggs and ham,
  Set out the marmalade and jam,
  And packed the workers off, well fed,