Now, as most of the food that we eat
    Is wanted for keeping us warm,
  The requisite quota of heat
    Is largely a question of form;
  And the ratio of surface to weight,
    As anyone readily twigs,
  Is the root of the point in debate
    As sagely expounded by SPRIGGS.

  Hence the more we resemble a sphere
    Less heat on the surface is lost,
  And the needful supply, it is clear,
    Is maintained at less lavish a cost;
  ’Tis economy, then, to be plump
    As partridges, puffins or pigs,
  Who are never a prey to the hump,
    So at least I interpret my SPRIGGS.

  Next, the harder it freezes or snows
    The greater the value of fat,
  And the larger the appetite grows
    Of John, Sandy, Taffy and Pat. 
  (Conversely, in Midsummer days,
    When liquid more freely one swigs,
  Less viand the appetite stays—­
    This quatrain’s a gloss upon SPRIGGS).

  For strenuous muscular work
    A larger allowance of grub
  We need than is due if we shirk
    Exertion, and lounge in a pub;
  For the loafer who rests in a chair
    Everlastingly puffing at “cigs”
  Can live pretty nearly on air,
    So I gather at least from my SPRIGGS.

  Why children need plentiful food
    He nextly proceeds to relate: 
  Their capacity’s larger than you’d
    Be disposed to infer from their weight;
  They’re growing in bulk and in height,
    They’re normally active as grigs,
  And exercise breeds appetite—­
    This stanza is absolute SPRIGGS.

  Last of all, with an eloquent plea
    For porridge at breakfast in place
  Of the loaf, and for oatcake at tea
    A similar gap to efface;
  For potatoless dinners—­with rice,
    For puddings of maize and of figs,
  Which are filling, nutritious and nice—­
    Thus ends the Epistle of SPRIGGS.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Short-sighted Lady. “THAT’S RATHER AN AFFECTIONATE COUPLE.”

Her Friend. “THAT’S MY HUSBAND.” Short-sighted Lady. “OH, I’M SO SORRY.”

Her Friend. “AND I’M SORRY, TOO, FOR I SEE HE’S GOT HIS LIGHT OVERCOAT ON, AND I TOLD HIM NEVER TO WEAR IT WHEN BRINGING HOME THE COALS.”]

* * * * *

    “The L.C.C. had decided to grant only L5,300 amongst L21,000 teachers,
    which would average a shilling a head per week. (Shame!)”—­Daily
    Paper.

We agree.  Why any War bonus at all to such bulging plutocrats?

* * * * *

    “As I watched youths obediently obeying the whistle I wondered what
    football would be like after the war.”—­Daily Paper.

At present it seems rather redundantly redundant.

* * * * *