Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, December 4, 1841 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 57 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, December 4, 1841.

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, December 4, 1841 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 57 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, December 4, 1841.
in conclusion), I leave you with a broken heart in your hands!  A broken heart, gentlemen!  Creation’s masterpiece, flawed cracked, SHIVERED TO BITS!  See how the blood flows from it—­mark where its strings are cut and cut—­its delicate fibres violated—­its primitive aroma evaporated to all the winds of heaven.  Make that heart your own, gentlemen, and say at how many pounds you value the demoniac damage.  And oh, may your verdict still entitle you to the blissful confidence of that divine, purpureal sex, the fairest floral specimens of which I see before me!  May their unfolding fragrance make sweet your daily bread; and when you die, from the tears of conjugal love, may thyme and sweet marjoram spring and blossom above your graves!”

Here the emotion of the court was unparalleled in the memory of the oldest attorney.  Showers of tears fell from the gallery, so that there was a sudden demand for umbrellas.

The learned counsel sat down, and, having wiped his eyes, ate a sandwich.

There were other letters, but we have selected the least glowing.  Mr. Charles Phillips then called his witnesses.

Peter Snooks examined:  Was employed by plaintiff; recollected defendant coming to the van to propose a speculation, in which Madame Bonbon was to play with him.  Defendant came very often when plaintiff was out.  Once caught Madame Bonbon on defendant’s knee.  Once heard Madame Bonbon say, “Bless your darling nose!” Was sure it was defendant’s nose.  Was shocked at her levity, but consented to go for gin—­Madame found the money.  Had a glass myself, and drank their healths.  Plaintiff never beat his wife; he couldn’t:  they were of very uneven habits; she was seven feet four, plaintiff was four feet seven.

Cross-examined by Mr. Adolphus:  Plaintiff was dreadfully afflicted at infidelity of his wife:  had become quite desperate—­never sober since; was never sober before.  On first night of the news plaintiff was quite delirious; took six plates of alamode beef, and two pots of porter.

Sarah Pillowcase examined:  Was chambermaid at the Tinder-box and Flint, New Cut; had known defendant since she was a child—­also knew plaintiff’s wife.  They came together on the 1st of April, about twelve at night.  Understood they had been in a private box at the Victoria with an order.  They had twelve dozen of oysters for supper, and eight Welch-rabbits:  the lady found the money.  Thought, of course, they were married, or would rather have died than have served them.  They made a hearty breakfast:  the lady found the money.

Cross-examined by Mr. Adolphus:  Would swear to the lady, as she had once paid a shilling to see her.

(Here it was intimated by the learned judge that ladies might leave the court if they chose; it was evident, however, that no lady heard such intimation, as no lady stirred.)

Cross-examination continued:  Yes, would swear it.  Knew the obligation of an oath, and would swear it.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, December 4, 1841 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.