I have received several letters.  ELLA has had poetry sent to her by her fiance, and wishes to know if this would justify her in breaking the engagement.  I think not.  She can never be quite certain that it is the man’s own make; and, besides, plenty of men are like that during the engagement period, but never suffer from it afterwards.  The other letters must be answered privately.

* * * * *

“THE DEADLY CIGARETTE.”

[Illustration]

  Have you heard the Yankee threat to suppress the Cigarette? 
    Ten dollars tax per thousand—­as the French would say, par
          mille—­
  Is the scheme proposed, forsooth, to protect the Yankee youth
    From poisons just discovered in his papier pur fil!

  Such things might well have been in staring emerald green,
    Or even in the paler tint that’s christened “Eau-de-Nil,”
  But it simply makes one sick to imagine arsenic
    Is lurking in the spotless white of papier pur fil!

  Strange the smoking French survive!  Surely none should be alive;
    Fair France should be one mighty morgue from Biarritz to Lille,
  If there’s also phosphorus, bringing deadly loss for us,
    In Hygiene’s new victim, luckless papier pur fil.

  Yet some Frenchmen live to tell they are feeling pretty well;
    From dozing Concierge at home to marching Garde Mobile,
  You might safely bet your boots that, with loud derisive hoots,
    They’d scout the thought of poison in their papier pur fil.

  Then how foolish to conclude that, because they hurt the dude,
    Smoking all day in the country, half the night as well en ville,
  After dinner Cigarettes, two or three, mean paying debts
    Of nature, or mean going mad, from papier pur fil!

* * * * *

VANS DE LUXE.

SIR,—­I am going to start a Caravan!  It’s all the go now, and nothing like it for fresh air and seeing out-of-the-way country places.  What’s the good of Hamlet with all the hamlets left out, eh?  We shall sleep in bunks, and have six horses to pull us up any Bunker’s Hill we may come to.  I intend doing the thing in style, like the Duke of NEWCASTLE and Dr. GORDON STABLES, No gipsying for yours truly!  I’ve been calculating how many people I shall want, and I don’t think I can get on comfortably without all the following (they’ll be my following, d’ye see?):—­

1.  Head Driver; 2.  Understudy for Driver; 3.  Butler; 4.  Footman; 5.  Veterinary Surgeon; 6.  Carpenter (if wheel comes off, &c.); 7.  Handy working Orator (to explain to people that we’re not a Political Van); 8.  Electrician (in case horses go lame, and we have to use electricity); 9, 10, 11.  Female Servants.

The Servants will have to occupy a separate van, of course.  They’ll be in the van and in the rear at the same time!  I’ll let your readers know how we get on.  At present we haven’t even got off.