“But it won’t be f’r long.  Ivry mornin’ I pick up me pa-aper with fear an’ thremblin’.  War with Japan is immynint.  ‘Tokyo, June five—­Th’ whole nation is wild with excitement over th’ misthreatment iv a Jap’nese in Los Angeles, an’ unless an apology is forthcomin’ it will be difficult f’r th’ Governmint to prevint th’ navy fr’m shootin’ a few things at ye.  Th’ people iv America shud know that they ar-re at th’ brink iv war.  A corryspondint iv th’ Daily Saky, who wurruks in an old porcylain facthry in Maine, writes that this famous subjick iv th’ Mickydoo, whose name has escaped him but who had a good job in a livery stable in Tokyo befure he was sint on a mission to th’ American people to see what he cud get, wint into an all night resthrant an’ demanded his threaty rights, which ar-re that th’ waiter was to tuck his napkin into his collar an’ th’ bartinder must play “Nippon th’ gloryous” on a mouth organ.  Onforchinitely th’ proprietor iv th’ place, a man be th’ name iv Scully, got hold iv a copy iv th’ threaty with Sweden with th’ sad result that he give th’ subjick iv th’ Mickydoo th’ wrong threaty rights.  He hit him over th’ head with a bung starter.  There is some relief in th’ situation to-night based on th’ repoort that th’ Prisidint has sint an apology an’ has ordhered out th’ army to subjoo Scully.

“‘The Impror held a meetin’ iv th’ Elder Statesmen to-night to discuss sindin’ a fleet to San Francisco to punish th’ neglect iv threaty rights iv th’ Japanese be a sthreet car conductor who wudden’t let a subjick iv th’ Mickydoo ride on th’ Thirty-first Sthreet line with an Ogden Avnoo thransfer dated August eighteen hundherd an’ siventy-two.’  ‘Th’ Prisidint has ordhered th’ arrest an’ imprisonmint iv a dentist in Albany who hurt a Jap’nese whose tooth he was fillin’.  He has raquisted th’ Mickydoo to give us another chance befure layin’ waste our land.’  ‘Followin’ th’ advice iv th’ Jap’nese ambassadure f’r poor young Japs to marry rich American girls, a Jap’nese combynation theelogical student an’ cook applied f’r th’ hand iv th’ daughter iv th’ boordin’-house keeper where he was employed.  He was able to limp to th’ Jap’nese Consul’s house, where he made a complaint to th’ Impror, who was an old frind iv his father.  Th’ Prisidint has ordhered th’ lady to marry th’ Chink.’  ‘Th’ Hoop-la Theatre was closed last night on complaint iv th’ Jap’nese ambassadure that th’ Fluff Opry Comp’ny was givin’ a riprisintation iv Jap’nese charackter in pink robes instead iv th’ seemly black derby hats, a size too large, Prince Albert coats, pear-colored pants, button shoes, sthring neckties, an’ spectacles which is th’ well-known unyform iv th’ gloryous race.  As token iv their grief th’ Cab’net waited on th’ Jap’nese embassy at dinner to-night an’ Admiral Bob Evans has been ordhered to sink th’ battle ship Louisyanny an’ carry Gin’ral Kroky’s hat box to th’ deepo.’