“Have ye taken ye’er money out iv th’ bank?  Are ye wan iv thim impechuse prooletaryans that has been attackin’ th’ Gibyraltars iv fi-nance, cow’rd that ye are to want ye’er money in a hurry, or are ye not?  I see be th’ look iv ye’er face that ye are not.  Ye have been a brave man; ye have had faith in th’ future iv our counthry; ye have perceived that our financial institutions are sound if they are nawthin’ else.  Ye undherstand that it’s upon th’ self-resthraint iv men like th’ likes iv ye that th’ whole credit iv th’ nation depinds.  I read it in the pa-apers an’ ‘tis thrue.  Besides, ye have no money in th’ bank.  Th’ on’y way ye or me cud rightly exthricate anny money fr’m a bank wud be be means iv a brace an’ bit.

“No matther.  ’Tis you that has done it.  I give great credit to George B. Cortilyoo, J. Pierpont Morgan, Lord Rothschild, Jawn D. Rockyfellar, th’ banks iv Ameriky, th’ clearing house comity, th’ clearing out comity, an’ all th’ brave an’ gallant fellows that have stood firmly with their backs to th’ wall an’ declared that anny money taken out iv their institutions wud be taken over their dead bodies.  They have behaved as American gintlemen shud behave whin foorce iv circumstances compels thim to behave that way.  But if, in this tur-rible imergency I am obliged to tell th’ truth, I’ve got to confess to ye that th’ thanks iv th’ nation, a little bit late, but very corjal, are due to th’ boys that niver had a cent in th’ banks, an’ niver will have.  They have disturbed none iv our institutions.  No great leader iv fi-nance has turned green to see wan iv thim thryin’ to do th’ leap f’r life through a closed payin’ teller’s window.  Th’ fellow that with wan whack iv a hammer can convart a steer into an autymobill or can mannyfacther a pearl necklace out iv two dollars’ worth iv wurruk on a slag pile, has throubled no wan.  Ye’re th’ boy in this imergency, Hinnissy.  Th’ other mornin’ I was readin’ th’ pa-apers about th’ panic in Wall Sthreet an’ though I’ve niver seen annything all me life but wan continyal panic I felt low in me mind ontil I looked up an’ see ye go by with ye’er shovel on ye’er shouldher an’ me heart leaped up.  I wanted to rush to th’ tillygraft office and wire me frind J. Pierpont Morgan:  ’Don’t be downcast.  It’s all right.  I just see Hinnissy go by with his shovel.’

“No, sir, ye can bet it ain’t th’ people that have no money that causes panics.  Panics are th’ result iv too manny people havin’ money.  Th’ top iv good times is hard times and th’ bottom iv hard times is good times.  Whin I see wan man with a shovel on his shouldher dodgin’ eight thousand autymobills I begin to think ’tis time to put me money in me boot.”

“‘Tis hard f’r me to undherstand what’s goin’ on,” said Mr. Hennessy.  “What does it all mean?”