“Hogan says th’ time has come f’r th’ subjick races iv th’ wurruld to rejooce us fair wans to their own complexion be batin’ us black and blue.  Up to now ’twas:  ’Sam, ye black rascal, tow in thim eggs or I’ll throw ye in th’ fire.  ‘Yassir,’ says Sam.  ‘Comin’,’ he says.  ’Twas:  ’Wow Chow, while ye’er idly stewin’ me cuffs I’ll set fire to me unpaid bills.’  I wud feel repaid be a kick,’ says Wow Chow.  ’Twas:  ’Maharajah Sewar, swing th’ fan swifter or I’ll have to roll over f’r me dog whip.’  ‘Higgins Sahib,’ says Maharajah Sewar, ’Higgins Sahib, beloved iv Gawd an’ Kipling, ye’er punishments ar-re th’ nourishment iv th’ faithful.  My blood hath served thine f’r manny ginerations.  At laste two.  ’Twas thine old man that blacked my father’s eye an’ sint my uncle up f’r eighty days.  How will ye’er honor have th’ accursed swine’s flesh cooked f’r breakfast in th’ mornin’ when I’m through fannin’ ye?’

“But now, says Hogan, it’s all changed.  Iver since th’ Rooshyans were starved out at Port Arthur and Portsmouth, th’ wurrad has passed around an’ ivry naygur fr’m lemon color to coal is bracin’ up.  He says they have aven a system of tilly-graftin’ that bates ours be miles.  They have no wires or poles or wathered stock but th’ population is so thick that whin they want to sind wurrud along th’ line all they have to do is f’r wan man to nudge another an’ something happens in Northern Chiny is known in Southern Indya befure sunset.  And so it passed through th’ undherwurruld that th’ color line was not to be dhrawn anny more, an’ Hogan says that almost anny time he ixpicts to see a black face peerin’ through a window an’ in a few years I’ll be takin’ in laundhry in a basement instead iv occypyin’ me present impeeryal position, an’ ye’ll be settin’ in front iv ye’er cabin home playin’ on a banjo an’ watchin’ ye’er little pickahinnissies rollickin’ on th’ ground an’ wondhrn’ whin th’ lynchin’ party’ll arrive.

“That’s what Hogan says.  I niver knew th’ subjick races had so much in thim befure.  A few years ago I had no more thought iv Japan thin I have iv Dorgan’s cow.  I admire Dorgan’s cow.  It’s a pretty cow.  I have often leaned on th’ fence an’ watched Dorgan milkin’ his cow.  Sometimes I wondhered in a kind iv smoky way why as good an’ large a cow as that shud let a little man like Dorgan milk her.  But if Dorgan’s cow shud stand up on her hind legs, kick over the bucket, chase Dorgan out iv th’ lot, put on a khaki unyform, grab hold of a Mauser rifle an’ begin shootin’ at me, I wudden’t be more surprised thin I am at th’ idee iv Japan bein’ wan iv th’ nations iv th’ wurruld.  I don’t see what th’ subjick races got to kick about, Hinnissy.  We’ve been awfully good to thim.  We sint thim missionaries to teach thim th’ error iv their relligyon an’ nawthin’ cud be kinder thin that f’r there’s nawthin’ people like betther thin to be told that their parents are not be anny means where they thought they were but in a far more crowded an’ excitin’ locality.