***

Discussing the latest dress fashion, a lady writer says, “It is a most ridiculous dress.  Nothing worse could be conceived.”  This, of course, is foolish talk, for the lady has not seen next season’s style.

***

Austrian tobacconists are now prohibited from selling more than one cigar a day to a customer.  To conserve the supply still further it is proposed to compel the tobacconist to offer each customer the alternative of nuts.

***

“When I see a map of the British Empire,” said Mr. PONSONBY, M.P., “I do not feel any pride whatsoever.”  People have been known to express similar sentiments upon sighting certain M.P.’s.

***

“The public must hold up the policeman’s hands,” said a London magistrate in a recent traffic case.  It is astonishing how some policeman are able to hold them up without assistance for several seconds at a time.

***

The staff of the new Pensions Minister, it is announced, will be over two thousand.  It is still hoped, however, that there may be a small surplus which can be devoted to the needs of disabled soldiers.

***

Several men have been arrested in Dresden for passing counterfeit food tickets.  The defence will presumably be that it wasn’t real food.

***

The Royal Engineers are advertising for seamen for the Inland Water Transport Section.  The Chief Transport Officer, we understand, has already hoisted his bargee.

***

Eggs to the number of six million odd have just arrived from China, says a news item, and will be used for confectionery.  Had they arrived three months ago nothing could have averted a General Election.

***

A hen while being sold at a Red Cross sale at Horsham laid an egg which fetched 35_s._ In the best hen circles, where steady silent work is being done, there is a growing tendency to frown upon these isolated acts of ostentatious patriotism.

***

The Times, it seems, has not published a complete list of its rivals in the desperate struggle for the smallest circulation.  A Finchley Church magazine has increased its price to 1-1/2_d._ a copy.

***

Paper bags are no longer being used by greengrocers in Bangor, and their customers are patriotically assisting this economy by unpodding their green peas and rolling them home.

***

“Bacon, as a breakfast food,” says an evening paper, “is fast disappearing from the table.”  We have often noticed it do so.

***

“It is pitiful and disgraceful,” says the Berliner Tageblatt, “to watch women-folk walking beside their half-starved dogs.  There is no room in warfare for dogs.”  We have all along felt sorry for the poor animals at a time when one half the dachshund does not know how the other half lives.

***

A Felicitous Juxtaposition.