The thousands who perished in the wilderness were persons of whom it may be said that they professed to come up out of Egypt, and did so in act; but God, who looks upon the heart, saw that they were still lingering in that place; for when they were in trouble, they said, “Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in the wilderness!  Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt” (Num. 14:2-4).

This is one secret of the “going back” which I have noticed.  People came out as converted, whose hearts were still entangled in the things of this world, or in some besetments with which they were fettered.  Those who are really converted should come out, as Caleb and Joshua did.  They left Egypt behind them altogether, and finally, in their trials and troubles in the wilderness, they looked for deliverance, not in going back, but in going forward, assured that if lions were before, there were dragons behind.

Another lesson which we may learn from these two, is, that they compared difficulties and giants, not with themselves, but with the Lord.  It was true that they were not able to conquer their enemies or take their cities, but, as they said, “the Lord is able to give us the victory.”  In this I saw how Joshua trusted God, also how God wrought a great deliverance.

I urged the people to consider that we were not created and redeemed to be saved, but saved to glorify God in our lives; but I grieve to say, this teaching did not meet with the acceptance I hoped for.  I wondered at their slowness of heart to believe in the “risen” Christ, and was sure that this was reason enough for their instability; and I felt that there would be nothing else while they continued to receive only a part of the Gospel instead of the whole.

One thing leads to another.  While I was thus making discoveries, my attention was drawn to a hymn which spoke of “Jordan’s stream,” and “death’s cold flood,” as if they were the same thing.  Now, I had always regarded Jordan as death; but the question in my mind was—­What is all that fighting and conquering in the land of Canaan, if Canaan represents heaven?  I observed, moreover, that the Israelites were on the defensive in the wilderness, and on the aggressive on the other side of Jordan; that they were led by the cloud on the one, and by a living Person on the other; that they were daily sustained with manna, as children, on the one side, and ate the old corn of the land, as men of Israel, on the other, besides sowing and reaping for themselves.  These striking’ marks of contrast excited much inquiry, and not obtaining, with sufficient definiteness, the satisfaction I sought, I went to the Lord about this, as before.  I confessed my shortcomings, and the defectiveness of my teaching, and pleaded earnestly, “Lord, what wouldst Thou have me to do?  What I know not, teach Thou me!”