Give a man an inch and he’ll take an ell; give him an ell and he is no man if he doesn’t improve even on that.  Moreover, how is one to fill in the dismal vacuum subsequent on the return from one leave otherwise than by the discussion of subtle schemes for the betterment of the next leave?  The duration of it having assumed a cast-iron rigidity, it only remained to improve the manner of travelling to and fro.  John ferreted about and became aware of the existence of a civilian train to the port and of a Staff boat to the other port.  He worked up a friendship with a Fonctionnaire de Chemin de Fer, and took the civilian train; he made a very natural, if very regrettable, mistake on the quay, and crossed in the Staff boat.  He was able to repeat the friendship and the mistake on the return journey, and had therefore every reason to be proud of his efforts.  Nevertheless he firmly decided to say nothing about it to anybody lest the idea should get overworked.  But he told Robert in confidence, and Robert told a lot of other people, also in confidence, and the idea did get overworked and is now (vide General Routine Orders, passim) unworkable.

There was still scope however for Robert’s ingenuity next time.  There are other ways of getting to ports than by train.  Why hold aloof from Motor Transport Drivers of the A.S.C. or be above making a personal friend or two among them?  And if Orders limit the use of cars to officers of very senior rank, why be too proud to take a Colonel about with you?  If when you get to the quay the leave boat wants you, but you don’t want it, and if you want the Staff boat and it doesn’t want you, it’s no use arguing about it.  You sulk unostentatiously in the background until both boats are full, and then you state a piteous case of urgent family affairs to the right officer, to find yourself eventually crossing with the comfort-loving civilians in their special boat.  Robert was entirely satisfied with the way he wangled it, but, meaning to wangle it again in a few months’ time, he decided to tell no one about it, not even John.  But he did tell John as soon as he saw him, and John told the world.  Thus, a further series of G.R.O.’s got written, published, and very carefully brought to the attention of all ranks.

The earth having become full of free booklets containing watertight rules and regulations for keeping officers to the straight and narrow path to the U.K., and the roads, railways, quays and gangways being policed with stalwarts whom it is impossible to circumvent and unwise to push into the sea, the only remaining resource is to apply to the Officer in Charge.  I am told, at first hand, that there is as much variety in the reasons urged in support of applications as there is in the manner of the applicants.  They attempt to melt him with piteous tales of their future in England, to shame him with gruesome pictures of their recent past in France, to hustle him with emergencies or