Jim and me tried to explain, but it weren’t no use.  The first chance he had the young man lodger got out through the door.  He come back in half a minute with his feet bare and his weskit all anyhow.  The shirts and socks was under his arm.

“Damn you and yer clothes!” he said, and flung ’em at me and Jim.  It were very disheartenin’.

When it come to leavin’ we felt we ought to show our gratitude for the treatment we had received by makin’ Mrs. Dawkins a little present.  Bein’ of an uncommon disposition it were difficult to choose what would please her.  I were in favour of a pink shawl; but Jim didn’t seem to fancy givin’ anybody any more clothes.  In the end we chose a pair of earrings.

Directly we give ’em to her we saw we’d done wrong.  She turned on Dawkins like a hyener. “’Ave I done my duty and starved us all to death and given them two the best in the house and slept cold every night to be paid in gewgaws?” she said.  “Didn’t I do it willin’, and wouldn’t I do it agen? and are you a man or a cur that you stand there expectin’ me to put them things into my ears instead of behind the fire?” In another minute the earrings was melted.  It were some consolation to me and Jim that she didn’t refuse to shake ’ands with us when we come away; but Dawkins did, and so did the young man lodger, and all the little Dawkinses spit at us.  We never have been able to make out who were to blame.  We thinks sometimes it were Mrs. Dawkins.

* * * * *

How it strikes the Hyphenated.

An extract from Los Angeles Germania, which describes itself as “An American newspaper printed in the German and American languages":—­

    “At last the mask is removed from the hypocritical face of England.  The
    cloven hoof of British insolence has struck square into the face of
    Uncle Sam.”

* * * * *

Holders of the old War Loan who are not yet converted to conversion may be led to a decision by the discovery that “BONAR LAW” spells “War Loan ‘B.’”

* * * * *

    “LADY SECRETARY.  For small Nurses’ Home where nurses do not sleep.”—­
     Women’s Employment.

Applicants should beware, as insomnia is very catching.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Sergeant. “KEEP YER POINT UP LIKE YER DOIN’ NOW, CAN’T YER?  YOU WON’T NEVER GET YER MAN IF YER DON’T KEEP YER POINT UP.  HAVE YER NEVER DONE NO BAYONET PRACTICE BEFORE?”

Private (just out of hospital, very bored).  “I’VE DONE THIS ’ERE TO THE BLOOMIN’ BOSCHES, I ’AVE.”

Sergeant. “OH.  YOU ’AVE, ’AVE YOU?  NO WONDER THE WAR’S LASTED TWO AND A ’ALF YEARS.”]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(By Mr. Punch’s Staff of Learned Clerks.)