These are, in brief, the vistas
          That swim before my ken;
      So tell the Carranzistas
          To up and act like men;
  And say the money’s coming on, but do not mention when.

      Bid them with sword and fire wreck
          The pale Pacific West;
      And tell SYLVESTER VIERECK
          And BARTHOLDT and the rest
  To call the Lagerbund to arms and jump on WILSON’S chest.

There’ll be some opposition—­
That I can quite foresee;
But bear in mind your mission
Must primarily be
To keep the swine-dog Yankees from jumping on to me! 
ALGOL.

* * * * *

Our Commercial Stylists.

“—­, SONS & CO., LTD.,

ARE SHOWING A DELIGHTFUL RANGE OF CORSETS, EMBRACING THE MOST APPROVED MODELS.”—­Glasgow Herald.

* * * * *

  “Dover:  Gas up 5d. a 1,000. 
  Tunbridge Wells:  Gas up 2d. a 1,000. 
  Lord Selborne is up again, after a chill.”—­Evening News.

Good, but how much?

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(By Mr. Punch’s Staff of Learned Clerics.)

The Snare (SECKER) impressed me as a tale emphatically prededicate to the footlights.  Actually, by the way, Mr. RAFAEL SABATINI has dedicated it “to LEON M. LEON, who told me this story”—­which, of course, only strengthens my belief.  Anyhow, it has every mark of the romantic drama—­a picturesque setting, that of the Peninsular War, rich in possibilities for the scenic and sartorial arts; and a strongly emotional plot, leading up to a situation that could be relied upon to bring down the house.  I shall, of course, not tell you the plot.  It contains a jealous husband, an injudicious wife, a hero and heroine, a villain (of foreign extraction) and a god in the machine, who is none other than our IRON DUKE himself.  And the situation in the last Act offers as pretty a piece of table-turning as any audience need desire.  I wish I could explain how the DUKE plays with his enemies, and finally—­but no, I said I wouldn’t, and I will keep my word.  Two little carpings, however.  Surely it is wrong to speak of “catch half-penny” journalism in the time of WELLINGTON.  My impression is that the journalists of those days caught at least fourpence by their wares.  And I confess to an emotion of disappointment when the heroine bounced up at the court-martial and said that the hero couldn’t have committed the murder because he was “in her arms” at the time.  Of course he hadn’t been; and I very much doubt whether any Court would have believed her for two minutes.  But leading ladies love saying it, so I suppose the very out-worn device will have to be retained in the stage version.  I look forward to this with much pleasure.

* * * * *