Sept. 1.—­Again out, in invalid chair, meet same man, now Lieutenant.  I murmur sadly, “Ah, my friend, I gave you a leg-up indeed!” Then he, saying that I him insulted have, my remaining arm with his sword off cuts.  I respect our Emperor, but I love not his soldiers now.  Must hire an amanuensis.

January 1.—­After my long illness go I once again, Unter den Linden, in my invalid chair—­that is to say, what is left of me.  My enemy is now a Colonel.  Shall I him again see?  Heaven forbid!  Alas, he comes even now, with those weapons which so rapidly him increase, and me diminish!  I say nothing, but he, seeing me, with his sword my last limb off cuts.  I love not even our Emperor now.

May 1.—­To-day is the Socialists’ Day, and I can once more out-dragged be.  I am now a without legs or arms Socialist.  My enemy can be promoted now only by my body.  He has become a General and Count—­(Here the Diary ends abruptly.)

“Berlin, May 2.—­Yesterday an unfortunate Gentleman, without arms or legs, when passing the Royal Palace in his invalid chair, was attacked by a distinguished officer, who ran his sword through the heart of the unoffending civilian.  The assassin was immediately promoted, as is usual in such cases, and is now Field Marshal Prince BLUTUNDRUHM VON SCHLACHTHAUSEN.”—­London Daily Papers.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  CULTURE.

SCENE—­A Private Picture Gallery.

Noble Sportsman (opposite choice example of Canaletto).  “I SAY, BY
JOVE, I SEE YOU’VE GOT A PICTURE OF OLYMPIA HERE!”]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

[Illustration:  Alpheus Cleophas.]

House of Commons, Monday, April 4.—­ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS has adde a new terror to Parliamentary life.  It is bad enough to have him unexpectedly rising from a customary seat; usually finds a place on top Bench below Gangway, whence, in days that are no more, NEWDEGATE used to lament fresh evidences of Papal ascendancy.  House grown accustomed to hearing the familiar voice from this accustomed spot.  To-night, conversation on question of Privilege been going forward for some time.  Seemed about to reach conclusion, when suddenly, far below the Gangway in Irish quarter, ominous sound broke on startled ear.

[Illustration:  Personal Conductor.]

At first all eyes turned to NEWDEGATE’s old quarters; but the voice evidently did not proceed thence.  Following the sound, Members came upon ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS breaking out in a fresh place.  Otherwise, all the same; the flat-toned voice, the imperturbable manner that awaits cessation of storm of obloquy, and then completes interrupted sentence; the conviction that somebody (generally the Government) is acting dishonestly, and needs a watchful eye kept upon him; the information conveyed that the Eye is now turned on—­all were there, each identified ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS.  Up again and again during preliminary discussion, always shouted at, and ever quietly waiting till noise has subsided, when he finishes the interrupted sentence, and begins another.