There are certain constant travelers who, it is said, count on a European voyage to increase their social acquaintance by just so much each trip!  Richan Vulgar, for instance, has his same especial table every time he crosses, which is four times a year!  Walking through a “steamer train” he sees a “celebrity,” a brilliant, let us say, but unworldly man.  Vulgar annexes him by saying, casually, “Have you a seat at table?  Better sit with me, I always have the table by the door; it is easy to get in and out.”  The celebrity accepts, since there is no evidence that he is to be “featured,” and the chances are that he remains unconscious to the end of time that he served as a decoy.  Boarding the steamer, Vulgar sees the Lovejoys, and pounces:  “You must sit at my table!  Celebrity and I are crossing together—­he is the most delightful man!  I want you to sit next to him.”  They think Celebrity sounds very interesting; so, not having engaged a table for themselves, they say they will be delighted.  On the deck, the Smartlys appear and ask the Lovejoys to sit with them.  Vulgar, who is standing by (he is always standing by) breaks in even without an introduction and says:  “Mr. and Mrs. Lovejoy and Celebrity are sitting at my table, won’t you sit with me also?” If the Smartlys protest they have a table, he is generally insistent and momentarily overpowering enough to make them join forces with him.  As the Smartlys particularly want to sit next to the Lovejoys and also like the idea of meeting Celebrity, it ends in Vulgar’s table being a collection of fashionables whom he could not possibly have gotten together without just such a maneuver.

The question of what he gets out of it is puzzling since with each hour the really well-bred people dislike him more and more intensely, and at the end of a day or so, his table’s company are all eating on deck to avoid him.  Perhaps there is some recompense that does not appear on the surface, but to the casual observer the satisfaction of telling others that the Smartlys, Lovejoys and Wellborns sat at his table would scarcely seem worth the effort.

=THOSE ACQUISITIVE OF ACQUAINTANCE=

There is another type of steamer passenger and hotel guest who may, or may not, be a climber.  This one searches out potential acquaintances on the passenger list and hotel register with the avidity of a bird searching for worms.  You have scarcely found your own stateroom and had your deck chair placed, when one of them swoops upon you:  “I don’t know whether you remember me?  I met you in nineteen two, at Countess della Robbia’s in Florence.”  Your memory being woefully incomplete, there is nothing for you to say except, “How do you do!” If a few minutes of conversation, which should be sufficient, proves her to be a lady, you talk to her now and again throughout the voyage, and may end by liking her very much.  If, however, her speech breaks into expressions which prove her not a lady, you become engrossed in your book or conversation with another when she approaches.  Often these over-friendly people are grasping, calculating and objectionable, but sometimes like Ricki Ticki Tavi they are merely obsessed with a mania to run about and see what is going on in the world.