Porter.  TRODDERS?  Led me see; yes, zey ged zeir preakfast early, and start two hours since for Murano and Torcello.

Podb. Torcello?  Why that’s where BOB and Miss PRENDERGAST talked of going to-day!  CULCHARD, old fellow, I’ve changed my mind.  Shan’t leave to-day, after all.  I shall just nip over and see what sort of place Torcello is.

Culch. Torcello—­“the Mother of Venice!” it really seems a pity to go away without having seen it.  Do you know, PODBURY, I think I’ll join you!

Podb. (not over cordially).  Come along, then—­only look sharp.  Sure you don’t mind?  Miss TROTTER will be there, you know!

Culch. Exactly; and so—­I think you said—­will the—­er—­PRENDERGASTS. (To Porter.) Just get us a gondola and two rowers, will you, for Torcello.  And tell them to row as fast as they can!

* * * * *

A FAIR PHILOSOPHER.

[Illustration]

  Ah!  Chloris! be as simple still
    As in the dear old days;
  Don’t prate of Matter and Free Will,
    And IBSEN’s nasty plays,
  A girl should ne’er, it seems to me,
    Have notions so pedantic;
  ’Twere better far once more to be
    Impulsive and romantic.

  There was a time when idle tales
    Could set your heart aflame;
  But now the novel nought avails,
    Philosophy’s your game. 
  You talk of SCHOPENHAUER with zest,
    And pessimistic teaching;
  Believe me that I loved you best
    Before you took to preaching.

  There’s still some loveliness in life,
    Despite what cynics say;
  It is not all ignoble strife,
    That greets us on our way. 
  Then prithee smooth that pretty brow,
    So exquisitely knitted;
  Mankind in general, I trow,
    Can do without being pitied.

  We’ll linger over fans and frills,
    Discuss dress bit by bit,
  As in days when the worst of ills
    Were frocks that would not fit. 
  ’Twas frivolous, but I’m content
    To hear you talk at random;
  For life is not all argument,
    And “Quod est demonstrandum.”

  You smile, ’twill cost you then no pang,
    To be yourself once more,
  To let philosophy go hang,
    With every Buddhist bore.
  “Pro aris,” like a Volunteer,
    A girl should be, “et focis;”
  Supposing then you try, my dear,
    A new metempsychosis.

* * * * *

A COMPLICATED CASE.—­The careless little boy who caught a cold from his cousin, caught it hot from his mother afterwards.

* * * * *

VENICE IN LONDON.

(BY A MOSQUITO “OUT OF IT.")

[Illustration]