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ROBERT ON THE LORD MARE’S SHO.

Well, I’ve had the grate good luck to have seen praps as menny Lord Mare’s Shos as most peeple, praps more—­not so menny, in course, as that werry old but slitely hexadgerating Lady, as bowsted as she had seen hunderds on ’em—­but for sum things, speshally for Rain, and mud, and slush, the last one beats ’em all holler!  What poor little Whales could have done to put the Clark of the Whether into sitch a temper, in course I don’t know, but if he’d have had a good rattling attack of the gout in both big Tos, like some past Lord Mares as we has most on us heard on, he coudn’t posserbly have bin in a wuss one.

Praps them as most xcited my reel pitty was the LORD MARE’S six genelmen in their luvly new State liverries, and their bewtifool pink silk stockings a showing of their manly carves, all splashing along through the horful mud, and made crewel fun of by the damp and thortless crowd.  The fust reel staggerer was the reel Firemen, about a thowsand on ’em, a marching along as bold as their brass Helmets.  What did they care for the rain and the mud! and didn’t they look as it they was a longing for a jolly grand Fire to bust out, jest to show us how easy it was to put it out, tho’ they had lost their jolly Captin.  Then there was the pretty Welch Milk Maids, in their chimbley-pot Hats, and their funny-looking custooms, all a being drawn by six horses, and having some Bards and Arpers to take care on ’em, and lend ’em humberrellars to keep off the rain.  Ah! won’t they have sum nice little stories to tell all their frends when they gits back to Whales, inclewding their singing of wun of their hold Welch songs afore the LORD MARE and all his nobel gests in the evening.  No wonder that they was so estonished and bewillderd that they quite forgot to take off their chimbley-pot Hats wile they was a singing.  But their LORD MARE and countryman kindly forgave ’em all, and away they went rejoysing.

Upon the hole, I’m quite reddy to bear my testimoney to the fack that, if we coud by any posserbility have left out the horful rain, and the mud, and the pore soaked and dismal-looking mothers and children, it woud have been about the werry finest looking Sho ewer seen.  The Bankwet at nite was jest as good as ushal, and indeed rayther better, and just to sho how thuroly eweryboddy had recovered from his morning’s drenshing, the compny acshally larfed at the LORD CHANCELLOR’S Speach, and cheered the LORD MARE to the Hekko!

ROBERT.

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[Illustration:  A STAGGERER!

Rector’s Wife (instructing an Aspiring Buttons, who has answered her advertisement).  “YOU’LL HAVE TO OPEN THE SHUTTERS AND THE HALL-DOOR, SEE TO THE STUDY FIRE, PUT THE THINGS READY IN THE BATH-ROOM, THEN CALL YOUR MASTER PUNCTUALLY AT SIX, CLEAN HIS BOOTS AND BRUSH HIS CLOTHES, CLEAN ALL THE CHILDREN’S BOOTS AND SHOES, AND BRUSH THEIR CLOTHES, LAY THE BREAKFAST PUNCTUALLY AT EIGHT, AFTER WHICH YOU’LL HAVE TO GET THE PONY AND TRAP READY TO DRIVE THE CHILDREN TO SCHOOL, AND BE BACK IN GOOD TIME.  AFTER YOU’VE DRESSED THE PONY AND CLEANED YOUR KNIVES AND SILVER, YOU WILL MAKE YOURSELF TIDY, AND THEN YOU’LL LAY THE LUNCH—­”