The player who groans loudly when you make a fluke.

The player who is accustomed to play on a much faster table than this.

The player who calls the game Pills.

The player who calls it Tuskers.

The player who counts your breaks for you, but whether from interest or suspicion you are not sure.

The player who pots the white when he should and says nothing about it.

The player who pots the white when he should, with a thousand apologies.

The player who pots the white when he shouldn’t, with a thousand apologies.

The player who is snappy with the marker.

The player who drops cigar ash on the cloth.

The player who hates to lose.

The player who would much rather that you won.  This type is a joy to play with, unless towards the end he too patently ceases to try.

The player who, after the stroke, tells you what you ought to have done.

The player who talks to the balls, particularly to the red.  “Now then, red,” he says, “don’t go into baulk;” or, “Stop just by that pocket;” or “White, don’t go down.”

The player who has just come from a spectacular match and keeps on trying to reproduce that shot of STEVENSON’s.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Ministry Official.  “No NEED TO SCREEN THE LIGHTS NOW, MY BOY.  D’YOU THINK THE WAR’S STILL ON?”

Infatuated Office Boy.  “I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE MISS JENKINS A BIT OF TOAST, SIR.”]

* * * * *

    “In a licensing prosecution at ——­ yesterday it was stated
    that one shilling was charged for a ‘drop’ of whisky of about
    one-sixth of a gallon.”—­Daily Paper.

In the interests of temperance we have suppressed the name of the town at which this bargain was secured.

* * * * *

CONTRACTS.

It was shortly after the commencement of the March offensive that it was decided to open new munition works in Glenwhinnie, N.B.  The contract for building was offered to the well-known firm of McTavish, McTurk & McThom, of Auchterinver.

They accepted.  With thanks.

And so it came about that, early in April, Glenwhinnie, N.B. became the scene of great activity.  Men bearing strange instruments came and took extensive measurements; large bodies of gentlemen in corduroys, armed with powerful implements indicative of toil, arrived and smoked clay pipes; a special light railway was rapidly constructed, and bore colossal cranes and more gentlemen with clay pipes to the scene of action.  And Mr. McTurk went in person to open the proceedings.

In a speech pulsating with patriotism, Mr. McTurk exhorted his men to do their best for their King and country, and show everybody what the firm of McTavish, McTurk & McThom could do.  He then departed, leaving things in the hands of a dozen subordinates well tried and true ...