* * * * *

OUR OWN FINANCIAL COLUMN.

Telegraphic Address—­“Croesus, E.C.”

[Illustration]

Sir,—­Let me first express my financial acknowledgments to the teeming millions who have honoured me, and benefited themselves by seeking my advice since my first letter appeared last week.  Communications containing cheques, postal orders, and stamps, have poured in upon me in one unceasing torrent.  The consignors have, in every case, been good enough to say that they handed all they possessed over to me, in the full confidence that I would invest the proceeds to the best advantage in some of the countless undertakings in which I wield a paramount influence.  Their trust is fully deserved.

Investors will remember that, in the course of the last German Expedition to Central Africa, a tract of country, rich in every mineral deposit, and admirably fitted for the operations of husbandry, was discovered in lat. 42 deg., long. 65 deg..  The Germans at that time had not a single handkerchief left, and were unable, therefore to hoist the German flag over the palace of the native king, GUL-GULL.  Private information of this was conveyed to me.  I at once fitted out an Expedition at my own expense, placed myself at the head of it, and after terrible hardships, in the course of which no less than two hundred of my comrades either succumbed outright to the bite of the poisonous contango fly, or had to be mercifully dispatched by the hammer (a painless native form of death), in order to end their tortures, I succeeded in reaching the capital, where I was hospitably received by the king.  After a negotiation of three weeks, His Majesty agreed, in the kindest and most affable manner, to concede to me his whole country together with all its revenues, minerals, royalties, timber, water-power, lakes, farm-houses, stock and manor-houses, the whole beautifully situated in the heart of a first-class sporting country, within easy reach of ten packs of hounds; the old residential palace replete with every modern comfort, and admirably adapted for the purposes of a gentleman desiring to set up in the business of kingship.  It matters not what I had to pay for this.  The secret is my own, and shall go to Westminster Abbey with me.  The point is, that with the funds entrusted to me, I have formed the Cent-per-Central African Exploration and Investment Syndicate, and have allotted shares to all those whose contributions have come to hand.  As to profit, I have calculated it on the strictest actuarial principles, and find it cannot be less than L100 for every L100 invested.  This may seem small, but in these matters moderation is the soul of business.  I shall have more to say on this subject next week.

Answers to Correspondents.

DISMAL JEMMY.—­Why do you suggest that the motto of my new company should be, “Stealer et fraudax”?  Is it a Latin joke?  If so, don’t write to me any more.  Those who deal with me must be British to the backbone.