Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, November 7, 1891 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 40 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, November 7, 1891.

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, November 7, 1891 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 40 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, November 7, 1891.
on matters connected with the money-markets of the world.  The request is an easy one to make.  You talk of spare time, as if the man who controlled millions of money, and could at any moment put all the Directors of the Bank of England in his waistcoat pocket, had absolutely nothing to do except to devote himself to the affairs of other people.  Such a man has no leisure.  When he is not engaged in launching loans, or in admitting to an audience the Prime Ministers of peoples rightly struggling to free themselves from debt by adding largely to their public liabilities, when, I say, he is not thusly or otherwisely engaged, his mind must still busy itself with the details of all the immense concerns over which he, more or less, presides.  However, I am willing to make an exception in your case, and to impart to you the ripe fruits of an experience which has no parallel in any country of the habitable globe.  Without, therefore, cutting any more time to waste, I begin.

[Illustration]

(1.) Mines.—­There can be no doubt that in this department a largely increased activity may soon be expected.  I am aware that in “Shafts” there has been a downward tendency; but I am assured by the Secretary of the “Dodja Plant Co.” (191/2, 6/8, 54.21/2, 7/8), that the prospects of this branch of investment were never more brilliant.  The latest report of the Mining Expert sent out to investigate this mine, runs as follows:—­

“I have now been three days in the interior of the Dodja Plant.  I can confidently state that I found no water, though there was evidence of large deposits of salt, which could be worked at an immense profit.  The gold is abundant.  I have crushed ten tons of quartz with my own hands, and found the yield in florins extraordinary.  The natives guard the mouth of the mine.  Please relieve promptly.  My assistant became a Salmi yesterday.”

There is some obscurity (intentional, of course) in the last few words.  I may, therefore, state that a Salmi is one of the most important native bankers.  The profession is only open to millionnaires.  I therefore say, emphatically, buy Dodjas.

(2.) The Carbon Diamond Fields.—­The latest quotations are 14-5/8 to the dozen, with irregular falls.  Carbon Prefs. unaltered.  Trusts firm.  This is a good investment for a poor man.  In fact there could not be a better.  No necessity to deal through an ordinary stockbroker.  Wire “CROESUS, City.”  That will find me, and by return you shall have address of banker, to whom first deposit for cover must be immediately paid.

(3.) Italian Cattivas quieter.  A Correspondent asks—­“What do you recommend a man who has laid by L20 to do in order to hold L1,000 at the end of a month?” I say at once, Try Cattivas (19-2/5 Def.; Deb.  Stk. 14—­15).  Wire “CROESUS, City.”

(4.) South-African Pih Kroost short.  Gold continues to be in good demand.  Anybody wishing to make a quick profit out of a small sum, such as from two to five sovereigns, wire “CROESUS, City” anytime before 12.30.  In all cases of telegraphing, the message must be “Reply-Paid,” or no notice will be taken of the communication.  Remember “Time is Money.”  Keep up a good supply of both, and you’ll live to bless “CROESUS.”

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, November 7, 1891 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.