RETORT BY A WASHED-OUT WAYFARER.

  If dynamite would bring fine weather,
  Scientists might be in fine feather,
  As ’tis, I sing, to the schoolboy tune,
  “Yah-bah! (oxyhydrogen) balloon!”

* * * * *

FATHER AND SON.

(A POSSIBLE DIALOGUE AFTER A RECENT DECISION AT MARYLEBONE.)

Father.  And now, my dear Son, I must ask you for your rent.

Son.  But surely, Father, I am entitled to a room in your house?

Father.  Out of my love and affection; but this is a matter of business; and, if you desire to be a Voter, you must behave as such.

[Illustration]

Son.  But I have had some difficulty in scraping up enough to pay you.

Father.  Surely, eighteen shillings a-week is a reasonable sum for an apartment, however small, in Mayfair?

Son.  I do not deny it; still it seems hard that I should be mulcted to that extent some fifty times a-year.

Father.  I cannot see the hardship, nor the money!

Son.  If you really want it, it is here.

    [Produces a pocket-book, from which he takes sufficient
    change to satisfy the claim.

Father (pocketing coin).  Thank you; and now we may say, adieu!

Son.  But how about dinner—­am I not to dine with you?

Father.  Dine with me!  What an idea!  Why should you?

Son.  Because I am your Son.

Father.  You mean someone infinitely more important—­my Lodger.

Son.  And you absolutely refuse me food?

Father.  Not I, my boy; not I!  It is the law!  If I was to give you what you ask, you and I would be had up for bribery.

Son.  Then you prefer patriotism to paternal affection?

Father.  Well, to be candid with you, I do!  It is distinctly cheaper!

* * * * *

MUSCOVITE VERSION OF A MUSIC-HALL CHORUS.

    HIRSCH!  HIRSCH!  HIRSCH! 
      Here comes the Bogie Man! 
  He wants to help the Hebrews; he’ll catch them if he can. 
    HIRSCH!  HIRSCH!  HIRSCH! 
      He’s hit upon a plan,
  And all the persecutors cry, “Here comes the Bogie Man!”

* * * * *

LINES ON A PHOTOGRAPH.

  DOWNEY has photographed “the FIFES” at home. 
  Aha!  Domestic music!  FIFE and “drum “!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  MR. PUNCH ON TOUR.  A LITTLE HOLIDAY IN WALES.]

* * * * *

OUR REAL DESIDERATUM.

(BY A “WELL-INFORMED” FOOL.)