Mis. I had a good Fortune, I spent lavishly, and when I began to be in Want, no Body knew Apitius.  I ran away for Shame, and betook myself to your College:  I lik’d that better than digging.

Ir. Very wisely done; but how comes your Body to be in so good Case of late?  For as to your Change of Cloaths, I don’t so much wonder at that.

Mis. Why so?

Ir. Because the Goddess Laverna makes many rich on a sudden.

Mis. What! do you think I got an Estate by Thieving then?

Ir. Nay, perhaps more idly, by Rapine.

Mis. No, I swear by your Goddess Penia, neither by Thieving, nor by Rapine.  But first I’ll satisfy you as to the State of my Body, which seems to you to be the most admirable.

Ir. For when you were with us, you were all over full of Sores.

Mis. But I have since made Use of a very friendly Physician.

Ir. Who?

Mis. No other Person but myself, unless you think any Body is more friendly to me, than I am to myself.

Ir. But I never knew you understood Physick before.

Mis. Why all that Dress was nothing but a Cheat I had daub’d on with Paints, Frankincense, Brimstone, Rosin, Birdlime, and Clouts dipp’d in Blood; and what I put on, when I pleas’d I took off again.

Ir. O Impostor!  Nothing appear’d more miserable than you were.  You might have acted the Part of Job in a Tragedy.

Mis. My Necessity made me do it, though Fortune sometimes is apt to change the Skin too.

Ir. Well then, tell me of your Fortune.  Have you found a Treasure?

Mis. No; but I have found out a Way of getting Money that’s a little better than yours.

Ir. What could you get Money out of, that had no Stock?

Mis. An Artist will live any where.

Ir. I understand you now, you mean the Art of picking Pockets.

Mis. Not so hard upon me, I pray; I mean the Art of Chymistry.

Ir. Why ’tis scarce above a Fortnight, since you went away from us, and have you in that Time learn’d an Art, that others can hardly learn in many Years?

Mis. But I have got a shorter Way.

Ir. Prithee, what Way?

Mis. When I had gotten almost four Guineas by your Art, I happened, as good Luck would have it, to fall into the Company of an old Companion of mine, who had manag’d his Matters in the World no better than I had done.  We went to drink together; he began, as the common Custom is, to tell of his Adventures.  I made a Bargain with him to pay his Reckoning, upon Condition that he should faithfully teach me his Art.  He taught it me very honestly, and now ’tis my Livelihood.

Ir. Mayn’t a Body learn it?

Mis. I’ll teach it you for nothing, for old Acquaintance Sake.  You know, that there are every where a great many that are very fond of this Art.