All this time people talk about the Duc de H——­ and it pleases me immensely, if I don’t blush.

At last I can enjoy some bright weather on the Promenade.  I have seen everybody, and I am happy.  An hour driving, then walking, but the rain surprised us.

In the evening we went to the theatre, which was filled with fashionable people.  The W——­’s were next to us.  I talked about the springs, horses, etc.  To-day I have been reflecting.  Not a moment must be lost, every instant must be spent in study.  Sometimes (I am ashamed to confess it) I hurry through my lessons without understanding them, in order to finish more quickly, and I am glad when lessons are given me to review because, during the following days, I shall have less to do.

I don’t intend to behave so any longer.  I must finish what I am learning quickly, that I may begin serious studies, like those of men, and occupy myself more with music, commence lessons on the harp and singing.  These are great plans.  They are sensible ones, too.  Are they not?

March 30th, 1873.

I have been dreaming of the Duc de H——.  He wore three jackets of the queerest cut, and was at our house to look at my pictures.  He admired them, and I talked with him.  I was very much agitated, and could scarcely conceal it.  He talked with me very pleasantly, and spoke of B——.  He said: 

“I was talking with her.  I made her sit down and I spoke of you.”

Oh! he talked to her about me, and it was on my account that he spoke to her!  How happy I am!  At last my prayer is granted!  Then he brought some kind of paper or something, I don’t know exactly what, to ask for an address to get clothes, I believe.  He was in the large drawing-room, talked to me in low tones, encouraged me by his frank manners, then I saw mountains on the pictures at which he was looking.  It is strange that I felt nothing extraordinary, and I was less excited than when I am awake.

I was happy, I was calm and content.

These transports overwhelm me at the mere sight of his name, for I am not sure of my happiness, and I ardently desire it.  But when we have what we desire and love, we are calm.  So, in my dream I was calm, for I no longer had anything to desire.  I said nothing, in order not to interrupt my happiness.  I let myself go gently and quietly.

What was my surprise to find, on waking, that all this happiness was only a dream!  I spoke of it to members of the family, I laughed at myself, to conceal my joy and my love for him.  He talked with me tenderly.  Not exactly, but I know what I mean.  He was not precisely like himself, smaller and not so handsome.  I thought I had reached port, but, on waking, I find myself in the open sea and in the midst of the tempest, as I was yesterday and shall be for a long time, perhaps, until he comes to lead me on board.  That is a commonplace phrase, but it well expresses what I wish to say and I use