Carve.  Well, what should you have done, witch?

Janet.  I should have left a bit more to you, for one thing.

Carve.  I don’t want more.  If he’d left me eight hundred a year instead of eighty, I shouldn’t be any happier.  That’s just what I’ve learnt since I took lodgings in your delightful wigwam, Jane—­money and fame have no connection whatever with happiness.

Janet.  Money has, when you haven’t got enough.

Carve.  But I have.  You won’t hear of me paying more than half the household expenses, and you say they’re never more than thirty shillings a week.  Half thirty—­fifteen.  Look at the balance it leaves me.

Janet.  And supposing I had to ask you to pay more?

Carve. (In a serious sympathetic tone, startled.) Anything wrong?

Janet.  Well, there’s nothing wrong, as it were—­yet——­

Carve.  Jane, I do believe you’ve been hiding something from me.

Janet. (With difficulty pulls a letter from her pocket.) No—­

Carve.  I’ve felt it for several days.

Janet.  You just haven’t then.  Because I only got it this morning.  Here, you may as well read it. (Handing him the letter.) It’s about the brewery.

Carve. (Reading.) “Mrs. Albert Shawn.  Sir or Madam.”—­Why are shareholders never supposed to have any particular sex?—­“Sir or Madam.  Cohoon’s Brewery, Ltd.,—­I am directed by the shareholders’ provisional committee of investigation to request your attendance at an informal meeting of shareholders to be held in room 2009 Winchester House on Friday the 20th inst. at noon.  If you cannot be present, will you kindly write stating whether or not you will be prepared to support the committee of investigation at the annual meeting.  In view of the probability that the directors’ report will be unfavourable, and the ordinary dividend either passed or much reduced, the committee wishes to be thoroughly prepared and armed.  Believe me, Sir or Madam.”  Oh!  So that’s it, is it?

Janet.  Yes.  My father said to me before he died, “Keep the money in beer, Janet”; he said, “Beer’ll never fail in this country.”  And there you are!

     (She goes to fireplace, opens coal scuttle, takes out a piece of
     paper ready placed within, and sticks it on the handle so as to
     keep her hands from being soiled as she replenishes the fire.)

Carve. (Lightly.) Oh, well!  We must wait and see what happens.

Janet.  Supposing the dividend doesn’t happen?

Carve.  I never worry about money.

Janet.  But we shall want to eat once or twice pretty nearly every day, I suppose?

Carve.  Personally, I am quite satisfied with a plain but perfect table.

Janet.  You needn’t tell me what you are satisfied with.  You’re satisfied with the very best at one shilling and sixpence a pound.